A Few Steps Closer

Out There

Willow Belden

Wilderness, Sports, Nature, Science

4.6 • 608 Ratings

🗓️ 21 December 2017

⏱️ 31 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

When we lose a loved one, distracting ourselves can sometimes make grieving easier. We dive into work, school, hobbies — anything to keep our minds busy.

This often helps dull the pain. But it can also make you forget things you didn't think you could, like what your loved one looked or sounded like. And when you forget things like that, it’s almost worse than being sad.

Writer Lara McCaffrey had such an experience, and on this episode, she shares her story. It’s a story about trying to heal yourself in the wake of a devastating loss—and about the struggle to dull the pain, without losing that special connection with the person you’ve lost.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, I'm Willow Belden and you're listening to Out There, the podcast that explores big questions through intimate stories in the outdoors.
0:25.8	Support for Out There comes from Kind Snacks and from Go Tenna, a device that pairs with your smartphone so you can exchange texts and GPS data even when there's no service.
0:36.4	Support also comes from Ecosia, a search engine dedicated
0:40.5	to planting trees. Whenever you do internet searches, a certain amount of ad revenue gets generated,
0:46.1	and if you're using Ecosia, instead of, say, Google, that ad revenue goes toward tree planting
0:51.6	in areas that are suffering from deforestation. Just head to Ecosia.co slash out to get started and plant your first tree.
1:04.0	So it's December 21st. In the past few weeks, I've been going through all the motions of Christmas.
1:12.5	I've gone into the woods, cut down a Christmas tree, gone skiing. I've attended holiday
1:17.6	gatherings and ugly Christmas sweater parties, and now I'm headed to New York to see my family,
1:24.0	or what's left of my family. Growing up, I loved Christmas.
1:30.8	My family wasn't very religious, but when it came to Christmas traditions, we went all out.
1:36.2	We would spend days, literally days trimming the tree.
1:40.3	We'd decorate it with real candles and boxes upon boxes of tinsel. You know, the kind of tinsel that you hang one strand at a time so that the whole thing just shimmers.
1:51.2	On Christmas Eve, we would turn off all the electric lights in the house, light the candles on the tree, and then we would sit together, singing carols.
2:03.7	We'd always end the evening with silent night.
2:09.6	We'd sing it in English first, and then in the original German. Our family was small,
2:15.1	but every Christmas, without fail, we made sure to be together. We took time to enjoy each other's company, to talk, to laugh, to listen, to share meals,
2:19.6	and to make sure everyone knew they were loved.
2:24.2	Then in 2009, when I was just 24 years old, my mother passed away after an awful battle with
2:31.4	cancer.
2:32.7	A year later, my estranged father passed away, too.
2:37.7	Before my mom died, my uncle gave her a little note.
	...

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