EPISODE 40 -

It can be devastating to watch our parents or grandparents begin to slow down. It’s a major adjustment for everyone involved, as families learn how to provide care and talk about new ailments with their loved ones, without sacrificing anyone’s independence. For seniors, it’s often frustrating and heartbreaking to come to terms with their aging bodies, as they become more limited in their abilities and struggle to get through the day as easily as they used to. This difficulty reaches a new height when it’s time to think about wearing custom briefs, also known as adult diapers.

 Most people hope that they will never suffer bladder incontinence, but it’s important to remember that the disease is incredibly common among older adults. According to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics, nearly 51% of people over the age of 65 have some level of bladder or bowel incontinence. This is especially common for women; whose pelvic muscles tend to weaken during menopause.

 Bladder incontinence is one possible side effect of aging. It can happen due to weakened bladder muscles, overactive bladder muscles, weak pelvic muscles, or even nerve damage from diseases such as Parkinson’s or diabetes. Even seniors who don’t have bladder incontinence might need to consider briefs, as mobility issues could make it difficult to reach the bathroom in time. Bladder incontinence could also be a sign of a bigger problem – such as an enlarged prostate in men or a pelvic organ prolapse, so doctor visits are essential if your parent or loved one is experiencing these issues.    

 As normal as bladder incontinence is, the subject matter is rarely discussed openly. Many feel embarrassed or ashamed to admit that they’re struggling with the disease, even though it’s likely that many of their peers are facing similar challenges. If you notice that it may be time for your loved ones to consider wearing briefs, it’s important that you begin the conversation with them, so they can feel comfortable getting the help they need quickly, while avoiding any possible accidents.

 Bladder incontinence can come in many forms – and the degree in which a person is dealing with the disease will determine what steps they need to take. If your parent or grandparent is experiencing slight leakage when they sneeze or laugh, they may only need panty protectors. If incontinence is beginning to interfere with daily life, preventing them from leaving the house for fear of accidents, it’s time to set up an appointment with the doctor, to rule out more serious issues and determine a plan for treatment.

 When it’s time to take your parent to the doctor, it’s also time to begin the difficult conversation with them. There are many ways you can go about speaking to your mom or dad about bladder incontinence, but it’s essential that you speak delicately and are kind and patient with them. Remember, this is not a conversation a parent wishes to have with their child. It can feel embarrassing and awkward – it’s your job to make sure they know that there’s nothing to be ashamed of.

 The words you choose matter. It’s recommended that you avoid using the word “diaper” when speaking with your loved ones. Expert caregiver Carol Bradley Bursack explains, “this word implies a piece of clothing used for a baby or toddler who has yet to be toilet trained…no adult, regardless of their level of physical or mental disability, should be treated as though they are a baby. Aging and age-related conditions already rob our loved ones of their independence and dignity. Our word choices and tone of voice may not seem that important but communicating and providing care in a way that helps our loved ones feel dignified is a game-changer when it comes to promoting cooperation and boosting self-esteem.”

 Older adults deserve to be treated with dignity. They are also more likely to accept help if their confidence is not damaged. If they understand that what they are facing is normal – and that they are not reverting to a stage of infant-like dependence – they will feel more comfortable coming to terms with it. The word “briefs” is a much better term than “diaper” for this reason. It feels far more dignified and approachable – a word that’s mostly associated with standard underwear, instead of something that babies wear. Consider using the word “briefs” when you sit down to have this conversation with your loved one.

 

Because this is such a highly sensitive and personal topic, it’s possible that you might not be the best choice for the conversation in the first place. Parents might have a hard time being that vulnerable with their adult children. There was a time when our parents were changing our diapers – and the role reversal can be hard to accept. Not to mention that the advice of family members is easy to ignore or brush off.

 If you worry that your parent might not want to have this conversation with you, or might not listen to your advice, consider asking a doctor to speak with your parent about the issue. A parent is likely to listen to the advice of a medical expert – and they could feel more comfortable discussing their struggles in a professional setting. Otherwise, a friend that’s going through something similar might be a good choice. Carol Bradley Bursack explains that, “it may be less embarrassing to have the discussion with an objective doctor who’s seen it all or a friend who is dealing with the same challenges. When their defenses are down, they’re usually more willing to listen.”

 Regardless of who your parent or grandparent speaks with, they might continue to fight the reality of the situation. If they are losing their sight or sense of smell, they may have a lack of awareness about the severity of the problem. They might not realize that they are making wet marks on furniture or on their clothes. Even if they do, they could downplay the issue to avoid further confrontation. That said, once seniors realize the seriousness of the situation, and can no longer deny it, they may be more likely to try briefs.

Seniors are also more susceptible to depression – and a person who is depressed is less likely to properly care for themselves. To make matters worse, bladder incontinence can make a senior feel even more down about themselves, and keep them from participating in social activities, opting instead to stay safe inside and avoid any possible embarrassment. Look out for possible signs of depression – including lethargy, loss of interest in activities, and a lack of personal care. According to Carol Bradley Bursack, if your parent or grandparent is suffering from depression, a treatment plan “may help your loved one feel better and spur them to engage in personal care again, which, in turn, can boost their self-esteem and encourage them to venture out and socialize more.”

Once your parent or loved one has come to terms with their struggle, it’s time to take them to the doctor. There, larger health problems can be ruled out and a treatment plan can be established. It is possible to treat bladder incontinence and, in some cases, even cure the disease. The doctor might recommend bladder control training – in which the way the bladder stores and empties urine can actually be changed. This can occur through pelvic muscle exercises like kegels; biofeedback, a mind-body technique that helps a person gain control over involuntary bodily functions; and charting urination to develop a pattern that your parent or grandparent can follow, so the need to urinate can be planned for ahead of time.

The doctor might also recommend cutting out caffeine and alcohol and replacing them with cranberry juice.

If diet and bladder training aren’t effective, there are certain medications that can tighten or relax pelvic muscles as needed. There are other options such as urethra implants or surgery that can improve or cure incontinence.  

Briefs may be necessary as your parent or grandparent undergoes treatment. It’s also possible that treatment plans are not an option for your mom or dad – if immobility keeps them from performing pelvic muscle exercises or if surgery or medications are deemed to high risk because of other health complications. In this case, it’s important to find the best custom briefs for your parents – that are comfortable and unnoticeable – so that they feel confident and dignified, even as they begin this new journey.

 If your parent or grandparent is beginning to show signs of incontinence, it’s important to remind them that they are not alone. With briefs, they can continue to live their life as normal. There’s no reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed. Aging isn’t an easy process, but with gentle, patient conversation and the best plans for care, we can help make it a little easier for our beloved moms and dads.