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Hello, welcome to emotional bad ass, where Moxie meets mindful. I'm Nikki Eisenhower, your host, Life Coach and Psychotherapist.

And on today's episode, I'm reviewing a codependency checklist.

So there are lots of codependency checklists out there. I've been reviewing some of Susan Ford's work, one of my favorite authors and researchers on trauma and childhood development.

This list is on page 39 of her book, Toxic Parents, overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life.

Codependency is often a confusing term for people. Highly sensitive people often tell me,

I'm not codependent, I'm very independent. And that's true. We can have a very independent spirit, a very go-getter spirit, and still be codependent. So let's go over this checklist together.

Number one, solving problems or relieving pain of another is the most important thing in life, no matter what the emotional cost is.

And this is where the codependency lies. Helpfulness is a beautiful quality. But when we help, despite tremendous emotional cost to ourselves, what we're modeling for our inner child is that someone else's need or desire or pain is more important than our own.

And we allow somebody else's emotional experience to derail our own life, to take our energy, to distract us from our goals, to give and give and give and give.

Second codependency checklist. My good feelings depend on approval from others. Now that's tricky as a criteria of codependency, right?

We feel good when other people approve of us. That's never going to change. I think that's a universal truth. We are tribal creatures. We're social creatures.

We want approval. We don't want disapproval. So how is this codependent? Well, it's when our good feelings are dependent on approval.

This might show up as terror or resistance to ever allowing anyone to be in disapproval of us. We might melt down if someone is in disapproval. We might not have any resiliency in the face of disapproval.

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