997-Overcoming Toxic Guilt & Shame with CBT Techniques

Counselor Toolbox Podcast with DocSnipes

AllCEUs Counseling CEUs

Mental Health, Education, Social Sciences, Science, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 667 Ratings

🗓️ 15 August 2024

⏱️ 40 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

### Summary #### Introduction - Presenter: Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes - Topic: Toxic guilt and shame - signs, causes, and solutions - Goals: Understanding guilt and shame, their causes, effects, and ways to overcome them #### Definitions and Differences - **Guilt**: Anger at oneself for a behavior; feeling you did something wrong. - **Shame**: Feeling that you are inherently bad; about the person, not just behavior. - Importance of separating behavior from self-worth. #### Healthy vs. Toxic Guilt - **Healthy Guilt**: - Motivates positive change and learning. - Anger at oneself for a behavior or omission. - Helps align actions with values. - **Toxic Guilt**: - Drains energy and erodes self-esteem. - Leads to ongoing self-anger without productive action. - Often paired with shame. #### Effects of Toxic Guilt - Continuous stress response activation. - Desperate attempts to prove worth. - Leads to behaviors like fawning or overcompensating. #### Causes of Toxic Guilt - Holding onto “shoulds” imposed by others or oneself. - Feeling responsible for things outside one’s control. - Survivor’s guilt and guilt over others' feelings. - Guilt for not being perfect or successful. - Societal and familial messages about worth and success. #### Solutions and Strategies 1. **Identify the Source**: - Determine if the guilt stems from internal values or external pressures. - Evaluate the “shoulds” and decide if they align with personal values. 2. **Healthy Boundaries**: - Recognize and assert personal beliefs and values. - Don’t let others dictate what should make you feel guilty. 3. **Cognitive Restructuring**: - Write down situations causing guilt. - Distinguish between controllable and uncontrollable aspects. - Use energy positively to address controllable factors. 4. **Acceptance and Letting Go**: - Accept that some things are beyond control. - Reflect on personal growth and changes over time. - Practice self-compassion for past mistakes. 5. **Self-Care**: - Prioritize personal well-being to prevent burnout. - View self-care as a model for others. 6. **Assertiveness**: - Stand firm in personal beliefs even when others disagree. - Practice expressing your values respectfully. #### Practical Steps - Write down situations causing guilt. - Identify controllable and uncontrollable aspects. - Take action on what you can control. - Reflect on whether you’ve done all you can. - Accept powerlessness over some outcomes. - Practice forgiveness and self-compassion. - Set and maintain healthy boundaries. - Model self-care and healthy boundaries for others. ### Time Codes for Major Points 00:00 Introduction and overview of toxic guilt and shame 02:15 Differences between guilt and shame 05:00 Healthy guilt vs. toxic guilt 08:45 Effects of toxic guilt on stress and behavior 12:30 Causes of toxic guilt 18:00 Solutions and strategies for overcoming toxic guilt 25:45 Importance of healthy boundaries 30:00 Cognitive restructuring and acceptance 35:00 Practical steps to manage guilt and promote self-care Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:31.3	Hey there, everybody, and welcome to today's video on toxic guilt and shame, signs, causes, and some solutions. I'm your host, Dr. Donnelly
0:40.8	Snipes. In this video, you're going to learn about guilt, toxic guilt, and shame, identify causes
0:48.7	and effects of them, and explore ways to let go of that toxic guilt.
0:57.2	So let's start out at the beginning.
1:01.7	Guilt and shame are both forms of self-anger.
1:05.2	It's kind of semantics for a lot of people.
1:10.6	A lot of people use guilt and shame interchangeably, but they're different. Guilt is a feeling you get when you did
1:13.8	or you think you did something wrong. All right. So you do something that you shouldn't have done.
1:19.8	You feel guilty for it. All right. That is anger at yourself for a behavior that you did. Got it. Shame, however, is a feeling that you are bad,
1:34.1	not your behavior. Guilt is about a behavior. Shame is about you. Shame says, I'm a bad person.
1:41.8	And it's really important that we separate behaviors from people because good people
1:48.2	make bad choices sometimes and I believe or I wouldn't be able to be in this field that most
1:55.4	people are inherently good people that are doing the best they can with the tools they have.
2:02.5	Now, let's talk about the difference between healthy guilt and toxic guilt.
2:07.0	Healthy guilt motivates you to look at what you did and grow, make changes so you behave more
2:17.1	in line with your values. And guilt can be healthy guilt,
	...

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