#983 - Gay Hendricks - Deeply Connected Relationships

Modern Wisdom

Chris Williamson

Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 4.6K Ratings

🗓️ 21 August 2025

⏱️ 92 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Gay Hendricks is a psychologist, teacher, and an author renowned for his work on relationship transformation. Conscious loving is about more than just romance, it’s about clarity, commitment, and growth. With endless advice on the internet on how to optimize your love life, what if the real answer is aligning your expectations and evolving together? Expect to learn what conscious loving is and the difference from unconscious loving, why its important to feel your feeling and tell the truth in a relationship, what good commitment looks like, how to be more proactively benevolent in their relationship and stop “keeping score” in a culture that constantly teaches people to expect the even 50/50 split every level, what co-commitment is and the steps to building a co-commitment relationship, and much more… Sponsors: See me on tour in America: ⁠https://chriswilliamson.live⁠ See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Get $100 off the best bloodwork analysis in America at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom Get 35% off your first subscription on the best supplements from Momentous at https://livemomentous.com/modernwisdom Get the brand new Whoop 5.0 and your first month for free at https://join.whoop.com/modernwisdom Timestamps: (0:00) The Key to Conscious Loving (12:54) 10 Seconds of Sweaty Conversation (16:02) Why You Should Be Truthful in a Relationship (21:54) What are the Main Practical Obstacles in a Relationship? (26:43) Creating a Safe Environment to Receive Truth (37:41) Navigating Your Sense of Self in Conscious Relationships (46:40) What is Co-Commitment? (58:47) Breaking the Victimhood Pattern (01:06:25) Men and Women Bring Different Things to the Table (01:15:45) You are the Common Denominator in Your Life (01:27:02) Find Out More About Gay Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: https://tinyurl.com/43hv6y59 #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: https://tinyurl.com/2rtz7avf #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: https://tinyurl.com/3ccn5vkp - Get In Touch: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	I wanted to explain, actually, before we got started, why I'm so interested in this stuff now,
0:07.4	and it maybe sort of frames it in the broader context of what I've been interested in over the last sort of three or four years.
0:15.5	So I got kind of interested in mating dynamics, probably about four years ago or so. And I started off
0:22.0	what lots of people do, which is macro trends. So rates of coupling, birth rates, levels of
0:29.6	satisfaction, what's happening socioeconomically, how many people are single, so and so forth.
0:34.4	It's these sort of big trends, right? It's a big stuff that's happening up top.
0:38.1	And as soon as you've found out that, wow, there's some real changes going on here and it seems
0:43.4	like we're in a turbulent time, you then ask, okay, well, what are the sort of underlying principles
0:50.2	that drive human attraction? And that led me down the path of evolutionary psychology.
0:56.0	So what are we looking at from an adaptive standpoint? We're looking at hypergamy and
1:02.4	mate guarding and jealousy and male parental uncertainty and intracultural competition and
1:05.9	kind of that suite of things, which I guess are kind of some of our psychological source code.
1:10.4	And then the next stage
1:11.2	that I went on to was, okay, well, modern culture, how is the macro trend and the underlying
1:18.5	sort of ancestral programming? How is that what's happening in the modern world changes that
1:24.6	have happened that have sort of led us to some of this this turbulence may be occurring.
1:29.4	So you're talking about sexual revolution and the creation of the pill and dating apps and
1:35.4	technology and distraction and so on and so forth. And all of that was really interesting and it
1:40.2	kind of starts to form a perspective, right, about the world.
1:45.3	But what I've sort of, this is my current working theory.
1:49.0	All of that stuff's very interesting.
1:51.5	But every person's actual day-to-day,
	...

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