98. Why Good Men Stray

The Suzanne Venker Show

Suzanne Venker

Society & Culture

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 23 May 2021

⏱️ 18 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

I suspect that, like me, you all are probably reading a lot headlines about Bill and Melinda Gates in the wake of their divorce announcement. The most recent one I read was in the WSJ about a sexual relationship Bill Gates had many years ago w a Microsoft employee. A spokesperson for Gates said, “There was an affair almost 20 years ago which ended amicably.”

As soon as I read this headline, I thought about all the people who will hone in on this event in the Gates’ marriage and imagine a gotcha moment as in, "Ha! That’s why Melinda Gates filed for divorce! Her husband is a philanderer!"

What you will never hear about are the circumstances that surround an affair, particularly when men are the ones who have it. If a woman has an affair, it's because she's been wronged in some way. But if a man has it, he’s just a bad man or a bad husband.

I’d like to challenge that narrative by telling the truth about why good men stray.

IN THIS EPISODE:

2:40 Suzanne reads an email from a listener about affairs and the rationale behind it

5:00 The idea of remaining attractive, pleasant and kind with one’s husband is oftentimes met with resistance due to life stresses, etc.

6:00 The idea that you can succumb to those pressures and become someone totally different from the person your spouse dated is unfair

7:00 For the average marriage, you can start to behave the way you did when you were dating and get those feelings back pretty quickly

8:30 The idea that you can starve a man sexually and expect him to remain faithful is ridiculous and immature

8:50 It isn’t just about sex—millions of husbands are starving from affection from their wives, which is almost more significant than sex

11:20 A lot of women wait for the “feeling” to envelope them before they act. Sometimes, it takes the act to get the feeling

13:00 On all of Suzanne’s intake forms for coaching, when men answer questions it has to do with the lack of sex and affection

16:45 Not having sex with your husband is cruel

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey everyone. So I wanted to take a moment to explain why I do this podcast. The purpose is not for you to
0:07.0	agree with everything I say or everything my guests say, but simply to be exposed to things that you
0:11.9	don't hear about in the media or in the culture so that you can mull it over and decide for yourself
0:16.2	what you think. It's also to get support for the choices and beliefs you have about men and women,
0:22.6	sex and love, marriage and motherhood, that you do not see represented elsewhere.
0:28.6	All of my books and pretty much all of my work is geared toward this mission, including my new
0:32.6	book that's available now for pre-order. If you're a single woman who would like to get married
0:36.6	and have a family, or if you have an adult daughter who woman who would like to get married and have a family,
0:40.6	or if you have an adult daughter who you know would like to get married and have a family at some point, you or she is going to need a brand new roadmap from which to follow.
0:46.7	Women today have been sold a pack of lies about sex and relationships, men in marriage,
0:51.3	and work and family that will lead to failure in this domain. How to Get Hitched and Stay Hitched, a 12-step program for marriage and work and family that will lead to failure in this domain.
0:55.0	How to Get Hitched and Stay Hitched, a 12-step program for marriage-minded women is the detox
0:59.8	women need to reject these lies and to be successful in life and in love.
1:04.2	Just go to how to get hitched.net and you'll find all the information you need there.
1:08.4	Again, that's how to get hitched.net.
1:13.6	And now on with the show you need there. Again, that's how to get hitched.net. And now on with the show. From the Magnificent Midwest, it's the Suzanne Be Baker Show, where men and women are equal in value, but wildly different by nature.
1:34.1	Join us here every week when we challenge the culture's hugely flawed narratives about men, women, sex, and love.
1:40.6	From coast to coast and from around the world, thank you for joining us.
1:52.0	So I don't know about you guys, but I've been reading all these headlines about Bill and Melinda Gates' divorce, more than I want to know. But the latest is about how Bill purportedly had this affair.
1:57.0	Apparently, his spokesperson confirmed that, quote, there was an affair almost 20 years ago, which ended amicably, end quote.
2:05.2	Now, this video is not about Bill and Melinda Gates.
2:07.4	I'm only mentioning it because it made me think about how when people hear about a husband having an affair,
	...

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