Welcome to Unfucked your brain, the only podcast that teaches you how to use psychology, feminism, and coaching to rewire your brain and get what you want in life. And now here's your host, Harvard Law School Grad, Feminist Rockstar, and Master Coach, Kara Loyenthyle. Hello my chickens. How are you all? It's been a little while since I recorded a

podcast. I'm excited to be talking to you again. I have so much I want to teach you.

So I am awesome. I just got back from a weekend at the beach with my whole

family. I actually enjoyed it and that is a thought work victory right there because not because

there's anything around my family of course it's all my thoughts because five

years ago I would not have been able to say the same thing because I was so

hypersensitive and self-critical and so I was really critical of everyone else

too and I had so many manuals for how everyone else should behave just so I could feel safe.

Which of course didn't work because constantly monitoring everyone else's behavior to see if they're following your manual doesn't actually feel safe, right?

That's the irony.

That's a big change for me, but that's not news and this wasn't the first time I've experienced that.

I did a lot of work on my thoughts about my family

in our relationships a few years ago and since then it's been pretty smooth sailing.

What I actually noticed on this trip was kind of smaller but in some ways

like a more fun thing which was just how much progress I have made really just

believing that how I am and my preferences are fine the way they are.

This is something I obviously talk about a lot, I've done a lot of work on, but there's

always more and more layers that I discover, and I find that particularly with family, this stuff can get reactivated because often your thoughts about who you're supposed to be or what it's okay to be like are formed right in your

family unit because you're a child that's when that starts and so I definitely

find that both I always find more and more layers to my self-acceptance

and myself love as I do this work but also particularly being around family

can illuminate some of that for me.

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