We interrupt Critter Vision to bring you this important news.

President Donald Trump has shit out his doo-do-ass.

Early reports indicate that the doo-to-ass has been lost in the sewer system of the White House

as a result. The president is now assless. It's right. President, the flash coming from Washington,

apparently official, 5 p.m.

Eastern Standard time.

The president has lost.

His due to S.

So he's going home tonight, so everything's fine.

I don't know why everyone was freaking out thinking that he might be sick.

It'll be fine.

They just pumped him full of a...

They pumped him full of Hunter S. Thompson's trunk load of experimental drugs

over the course of like three fucking days.

He's gacked out on mind-bending steroids.

And they're going to send him home because he's bored. It's fine. I don't know why anyone is saying anything other than that. You're pretty owned if you think that he's got any

problems that he's in trouble at all. He'll be fine.

We're on track now for the Herman Kane, which would be the funniest possible outcome.

He does not die before the election. He runs, he loses to Biden in a kind of an anticlimactic

landslide, and then he dies like a week later of COVID. That is officially, I've looked at it, by any metric that's by cosmic irony, by just desserts.

I mean, just removing the fact of Joe Biden being elected president while being completely unaware of his surroundings.

That's funny regardless of he's running against.

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