Welcome back to the place we find ourselves podcast. I'm Adam Young and today I want to talk to parents

Here is a common experience you begin engaging your story you begin looking at some of the ways that your parents harmed you

And you suddenly realize oh crap. I am doing some of these same things to my children

Very common experience

It's easy to get distracted from engaging your own story as you become focused on how you are harming your children

And what I want to do today is to address the question

What do I do when I come to realize that I've been harming my children all these years and

And depending on how old you are and how old your kids are this can be a gut-wrenching question

So first of all, let me say this if you are feeling guilt

Because you are coming to see how you have harmed your children

There is something holy about that guilt

The guilt means that your heart is broken

Over the fact that you have harmed your kids and the guilt is telling you okay

Something needs to be addressed here. I have said and done some things or not said and not done some things

That have hurt my children and I want to make it right

You need to own the fact that your broken heart

Is evidence of your holiness?

It's evidence of your deep desire to love your children better

So before addressing the question of okay, what do I do now that I see I've been harming my children

Let me say some things about parenting in general

Here's the bottom line with parenting. It's my favorite paraphrase of the Faulkner line the past isn't dead

It's not even passed

...