You don't know who you are projecting onto a partner at any given moment that is still unfinished business.

And that's one of the reasons why it's been so much time with sexual histories, let's say.

Is to start to identify the narratives that rise to the surface when people are curious from the first memory of sexuality all the way to now.

And what are the ones that still carry so much meaning about self or other or sexuality or intimacy or trust or that still is unfinished?

So that with the partner, sometimes it's not your trusted partner you're making love with that night, it becomes your father.

Hello and welcome. I'm Shane Parrish and this is the Knowledge Project, a podcast exploring the ideas, methods and mental models that help you master the best. What other people have already figured out?

As some of you have no doubt noticed recently, we've started exploring more diverse subjects.

The Knowledge Project aims to explore pretty much everything from science and history to relationships and decision making, all with the goal of helping you better understand yourself and the world around you so that you can live a more meaningful and conscious life.

We truly want to master the best. What other people have already figured out and that's not limited to one particular domain.

To learn more and stay up to date on new episodes go to fs.blog slash podcast.

Fernham Street puts together a weekly newsletter that I think you'll love. It's called Brain Food and it comes out every Sunday, much like this podcast. It's high signal, timeless and mind expanding.

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Today I'm speaking with Suzanne ISenda, a psychotherapist and sexual therapist in New York who also teaches at the Ackerman Institute.

This conversation took place in Suzanne's office in New York. What interested me most about talking to Suzanne was her work on narratives, the stories that we tell ourselves that shape what we see and how we behave.

Not only do we have a narrative about who we are as a person but we have a narrative about our partner and our relationship and even what sex should be.

Narratives are interesting to me because they affect all aspects of our life. If you want to understand someone you need to understand the narrative they tell themselves about themselves.

I was curious as how narratives affect couples and how we can change those narratives.

Well, we primarily talk about relationships. The lessons you apply to all aspects of our life including how to replace the narratives, how to change them when they age off.

This conversation is fascinating. I think you'll enjoy it. It's time to listen and learn.

The Knowledge Project is sponsored by Metal Lab. For a decade, Metal Lab has helped some of the world's top companies and entrepreneurs build products that millions of people use every day.

They probably didn't realize it at the time but odds are you've used an app that they've helped design or build apps like Slack, Coinbase, Facebook Messenger, Oculus, Lonely Planet and many more.

Metal Lab wants to bring their unique design philosophy to your project. Let them take your brainstorm and turn it into the next billion dollar app from idea sketched on the back of a napkin to a final ship product.

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