732 The Power of Erotic Intelligence with Esther Perel

The School of Greatness

Lewis Howes

Mindset, Relationships, Entrepreneurship, Mental Health, Education, Greatness, Fitness, Celebrity, Health, Inspiration, Success, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement, Business, Money, Self Care, Celebrity Interview

4.8 • 22K Ratings

🗓️ 14 December 2018

⏱️ 6 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

“COMMITTED SEX IS PREMEDITATED SEX.” - ESTHER PEREL Let’s talk about sex. So often, we blame our lack of romance on our partner. We’ll say, “He or she just isn’t doing it for me anymore.” But what if it’s your responsibility to make sure that you’re keeping the passion alive? If you are truly living your fullest life, you will create desire. Take ownership. That’s why, for this week’s Five Minute Friday, I want to share this conversation I had with world-renowned relationship expert Esther Perel who knows the key to making monogamous relationships successful. Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel is the New York Times bestselling author of The State of Affairs and Mating in Captivity. Her celebrated TED talks have garnered more than 20 million views and she is also the host of the popular podcast Where Should We Begin? Esther says that it’s not the other person who turns you on or off. You turn yourself on by making sure you are connected to what lights you up. Learn how investing in yourself and pursuing your life force will help you want monogamy on Episode 732. In This Episode You Will Learn: The definition of “desire” (00:45) What makes someone want to be monogamous (1:30) What the biggest turn on is (2:10) How to experience love and desire at the same time (2:55) How to keep sex erotic (4:00).

Transcript

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0:00.0	This is 5 Minute Friday!
0:05.4	Now, Esther Parella is a Belgian psychotherapist notable for exploring the tension between the
0:16.5	need for security and the need for freedom in human relationships.
0:21.7	She has promoted the concept of erotic intelligence in a best-selling book, Mating in Captivity,
0:27.8	some locking, erotic intelligence, which was published in 2006 and since been translated
0:33.5	in 24 languages.
0:35.6	She has given two TED talks, which have received more than 8 million views.
0:39.6	I heard her speak recently and it blew the audience away.
0:46.3	What is desire?
0:47.3	Desire is to own the wanting.
0:50.3	If you ask people a question that goes like this, I turn myself off when.
0:55.5	I turn myself off by.
0:58.3	Not you turn me off when and what turns me off is.
1:03.0	You're going to hear I turn myself off when I do emails, when I spend two minutes time
1:07.0	on the phone, when I overeat, when I don't exercise, when I have bad days at work, when
1:13.3	I don't feel confident, when I numb myself, when I feel dead, when I don't feel driving,
1:19.6	when I'm not alive.
1:20.9	You will really hear that it has very little to do with sex.
1:24.3	When you ask people, I turn myself on when or by.
1:28.1	I awaken my desires.
1:31.0	Not you turn me on when and what turns me on is, which is irresponsible for my wanting.
1:37.2	What people will talk to you about is when I'm in nature, when I'm connected with my
	...

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