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Coaching for Leaders

71: Why We Are Stubborn and How to Fix It, with Bonni Stachowiak

Coaching for Leaders

Dave Stachowiak

Management, Careers, Business

4.81.6K Ratings

🗓️ 14 January 2013

⏱️ 30 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Bonni Stachowiak: Teaching in Higher Ed

Bonni is the host of the Teaching in Higher Ed podcast, Dean of Teaching and Learning and Professor of Business and Management at Vanguard University, and my life partner. Prior to her academic career, she was a human resources consultant and executive officer for a publicly traded company. Bonni is the author of The Productive Online and Offline Professor: A Practical Guide*.

We discuss a few examples of stubbornness showing up in our work and lives.

Some of the reasons that we fall into a pattern of being stubborn:

1) We are perceived as experts in our field or topic (or we’ve convinced ourselves of this) and it simply doesn’t occur to us that we might be wrong about anything related to it.

2) We decided that we know enough about the situation, topic, or problem already and refuse to put in effort to discover more.

3) We need to fight every batte instead of carefully choosing them.

4) We miss the grey areas with people that make each situation unique and worthy of different types of responses from us.

How We Can Work To Fix It: 

1) Let’s examine how we react or respond when people bring us new ideas, suggestions, or changes – we can notice this ourselves, solicit feedback, or do assessment work. Either way, its important to become aware of our own patterns and tendencies.

2) We need to decide what shift (if any) is important for us to avoid stubbornness. For Dave, this shift is spending more time listening and less time explaining.

3) Find a way to hold yourself accountable for the results you want. If we’re not holding ourselves accountable in some way, then we don’t have sustainable change.

4) Find a shared truth (not just my truth or your truth – but a truth we can hold together).

5) Surround yourself with people who support you – Dave mentions how Bonni has been a big support in this way.

Books We Mentioned:

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Transcript

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0:00.0

Have you ever been stubborn at home? I know I've been stubborn many times in both situations and so this week's topic is why we are stubborn and how to fix it.

0:13.0

You're listening to Coaching for Leaders,

0:14.4

this is episode number 71.

0:17.2

Produced by Innovate Learning

0:19.7

Maximizing Human Potential.

0:22.0

human potential.

0:29.0

Greetings from Ladera Ranch, California. This is coaching for leaders, and I'm your host, Dave Stahopiac. This is a weekly show for leaders who want to improve themselves

0:37.0

to better engage and develop others.

0:40.0

This week's topic is why we are stubborn and how to fix it and I have here today

0:47.7

are my favorite guest best friend Bonnie Stahoviac who is back with us again for your first episode of the year

0:55.0

welcome back to coaching for leaders.

0:56.6

Thanks for having me back. I am thrilled to be here for this topic.

1:00.6

Thrilled! I think the last time I was here or a recent time I was here this subject for this

1:05.0

topic. I think the last time I was here, the subject was how to be more concise.

1:07.0

And the entire time I felt myself holding back laughter

1:11.0

because I thought,

1:12.0

oh, the hypocrisy of me being on a show about

1:15.5

conciseness and this topic being stubborn I feel like I have some things to offer I

1:20.6

feel like I have a lot to offer as well too. I've got gifts.

1:24.0

Although I will say our concise episode was one of our shortest

1:27.3

episodes we've ever had. Well I worked at it and we have I actually think we had to stop recording because I made you laugh because you'd say something.

1:36.2

I'd go, nope.

...

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