708: Preparing for a Conversation with Someone You Don’t Trust, with Charles Feltman

Coaching for Leaders

Dave Stachowiak

Education, Business, Management, Self-improvement, Careers

4.8 • 1.6K Ratings

🗓️ 11 November 2024

⏱️ 38 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Charles Feltman: The Thin Book of Trust
Charles Feltman is the founder of Insight Coaching. He has over 25 years of professional experience coaching, facilitating, consulting to, and training people who lead others. He is the author of The Thin Book of Trust: An Essential Primer for Building Trust at Work*.

It’s a reality of life that we need to interact with some people we’d rather not. And it’s absolutely a reality of leadership, that sometimes we need to have a conversation with someone we don’t quite trust. In this episode, Charles and I explore how to prepare so it goes better for both parties.
Key Points

The four assessment domains of trust include care, sincerity, reliability, and competence.

Seven steps to prepare for a conversation:

Identify the assessment(s) you are concerned with.
Define the standard you are using.
Identify the specific actions or behaviors that have led to your assessment of distrust.
Consider what you are doing that may be contributing to the situation.
Determine what you need from them in order for them to regain your trust.
Decide if you are willing to talk to the person about it.
Ask the other person if they would be willing to have a conversation with you.

Resources Mentioned

The Thin Book of Trust: An Essential Primer for Building Trust at Work* by Charles Feltman

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

How to Handle Pushback From Difficult Askers, with Vanessa Patrick (episode 637)
How to Help Difficult Conversations Go Better, with Sheila Heen (episode 655)
How to Change People’s Minds, with Michael McQueen (episode 676)

Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Oh, it is a reality of life that we need to interact with some people we'd rather not.
0:05.6	And it's absolutely a reality of leadership that sometimes we need to have a conversation
0:11.0	with someone we don't quite trust.
0:13.7	In this episode, how to prepare so that it goes better for both parties.
0:19.3	This is Coaching for Leaders, Episode 7008.
0:23.3	Produced by Innovate Learning, maximizing human potential.
0:31.7	Greetings to you from Orange County, California. This is Coaching for Leaders, and I'm your host, Dave Stahofiak. Leaders are born,
0:41.4	they're made. And this weekly show helps you discover leadership wisdom through insightful
0:46.5	conversations. A uncomfortable conversation that we sometimes need to consider and have is a conversation with someone that we don't trust,
0:56.5	or we don't trust as much as we'd like to.
0:59.8	How to prepare for that kind of a conversation is, I think, one of the more challenging things
1:05.1	that we experience as leaders today.
1:08.2	I'm so pleased to welcome an expert who has done so much wonderful work
1:12.1	and thinking on not only how to have a conversation like this, but also the importance and
1:18.3	the power of trust. I'm so pleased to introduce Charles Feldman. He's the founder of Insight
1:23.3	coaching. He's had over 25 years of professional experience, coaching, facilitating, consulting
1:29.0	to, and training people who lead others. He is the author of The Thin Book of Trust, an essential
1:35.1	primer for building trust at work now in its third edition. Charles, so glad to have you.
1:41.0	Thank you, Dave. I am glad to be here and talk with you. This is a gem of a book,
1:46.1	and I love this story behind it, because you wrote this book years ago and you put it out in the
1:51.9	world. There wasn't really much of a marketing plan behind it at all, if any. And you talk about
1:59.5	this a bit in the introduction to this edition.
	...

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