678: The Power of Unlearning Silence, with Elaine Lin Hering

Coaching for Leaders

Dave Stachowiak

Management, Careers, Business

4.8 • 1.6K Ratings

🗓️ 29 April 2024

⏱️ 38 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Elaine Lin Hering: Unlearning Silence

Elaine Lin Hering is a facilitator, speaker, and writer who helps people build skills in communication, collaboration, and conflict management. She is a former Managing Partner of Triad Consulting Group and Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School, specializing in dispute resolution, mediation, and negotiation. She is the author of Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Your Talent, and Live More Fully.

Those of us who have struggled to speak up have been told, “Just be more confident,” or, “Say this to get started.” As Elaine and I discuss in this conversation, there’s a larger context at play…and great power for both leaders and the people they lead, in unlearning silence.

Key Points

Start with why. For change to actually happen, find something that matters more than the old behavior.
What seems obvious to us isn’t always obvious to others. Connecting the dots for others demonstrates the meaning you’re making.
Beginning a thought with, “From where I sit…” provides an entry point for what you need to say while also acknowledging different perspectives from others.
Most people want to be helpful, but don’t always know how. Tell them how they can be helpful in the moment.
Resistance is part of the process of influencing others. While it doesn’t feel good in the moment, it’s often the catalyst for creating movement.

Resources Mentioned

Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Your Talent, and Live More Fully* by Elaine Lin Hering

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

How to Speak Up, with Connson Locke (episode 546)
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The Mindset Leaders Need to Address Burnout, with Christina Maslach (episode 608)

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Those who struggle to speak up have been told just be more confident or say this to get started.
0:07.0	As we discuss in this episode, there's a larger context at play and great power for both leaders and the people they lead in
0:16.3	unlearning silence. This is coaching for leaders episode 678.
0:22.1	Produced by Innovate Learning episode 678.
0:23.0	Produced by Innovate Learning, Maximizing Human Potential.
0:28.0	Greetings to you from Orange County, California. This is coaching for leaders and I'm your
0:36.6	host Dave Stahoviac. Leaders aren't born, they're made. And this weekly show helps you discover leadership wisdom through insightful
0:46.2	conversations. We all know the importance of speaking up, and yet it is a challenge for many of us both to speak up, but also for those
0:56.3	of us who want to support those in speaking up better in our organizations.
1:01.9	And of course, from a leadership lens, we all have a responsibility
1:06.5	to support systems and structures in our organizations to help others to speak up well.
1:13.2	Today I'm so glad to welcome a guest that's going to help us to do that better.
1:18.6	Elaine Lynn Herring is a facilitator, speaker, and writer who helps people build skills in communication, collaboration, and conflict management.
1:27.5	She's a former managing partner of Triad Consulting Group and lecturer on law at Harvard Law School, specializing in dispute resolution, mediation, and negotiation.
1:37.0	She is the author of Unlearning Silence, How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash your talent, and live more fully.
1:45.0	Elaine, what a pleasure to have you here.
1:47.0	Thanks so much for having me, Dave.
1:49.0	You share a story in the book which just grab my attention and maybe Elaine it's because it could have been my story years ago too and it's about a taxi ride that you took years ago and I'm wondering if you could share that story with us.
2:05.8	Absolutely. I had just landed in Seattle, Washington on a work trip, you know, so I've gone through
2:12.4	multiple airports that do not have the freshest air, let's say.
2:18.0	And I jump in a cab to get to the hotel. And having been through airport, filtered air, I just wanted some fresh air.
2:28.0	I click the button to try to open the window and nothing happens. And I look at the GPS for the driver and I'm thinking, you know,
	...

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