Welcome to you, my friend.

You're listening to the DTFH.

It is a joy.

I wish you a happy feast of Barnabas.

We just finished doing our celebrations.

Could not find a Barnabas chicken anywhere.

We went to Whole Foods.

We went to H.E.B.

A couple of markets downtown, impossible to find.

And I don't want to dive in the conspiracy rabbit hole,

but people are saying that right now there is active suppression of the festival of Barnabas

and that Barnabas chickens with their signature, red beak and fluffy tails are being bought up

by overseas conglomerates and incinerated, which not only is offensive to those of us who

follow the ways of Barnabas, but also just to life itself. My God, we don't incinerate Barnabas chickens.

We dissolve them in a very powerful acid that instantaneously vaporizes them and they experience

no pain. In fact, many say that the Barnabas chicken experiences a kind of transcendent ecstasy upon dissolution. That ecstasy being so

powerful, in fact, that it reunites the Barnabas chicken with the Godhead, causing the Barnabas

chicken to instantaneously discard all previous carmas that led it to birth as a Barnabas chicken. Now,

I don't want to get into some deep philosophical

debate here, but a lot of people say to be born as a Barnum's chicken means that you are a saint

in your previous incarnation. And others say it's just dumb luck. You are a chicken. Chikins according

to just basic statistics, anyone who's been to any chicken aviary and watched

...