meta_pixel
Tapesearch Logo
Log in
Coaching for Leaders

635: How to Start Better With Peers, with Michael Bungay Stanier

Coaching for Leaders

Dave Stachowiak

Education, Business, Management, Self-improvement, Careers

4.81.6K Ratings

🗓️ 19 June 2023

⏱️ 39 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Michael Bungay Stanier: How to Work with (Almost) Anyone
Michael Bungay Stanier is the author of eight books, including The Coaching Habit, which has sold more than a million copies and is the best-selling book on coaching this century. Most recently he wrote How to Begin, and back in 2011 he created and edited End Malaria, a book written in partnership with Seth Godin that raised more than $400k for Malaria No More.

Michael is the founder Box of Crayons, a learning and development company that’s trained thousands of people around the world to be more coach-like. He has been featured in many publications including Harvard Business Review, Forbes, and Fast Company. His TEDx Talk on Taming Your Advice Monster has been viewed more than a million times. Michael's newest book is How to Work with (Almost) Anyone: Building the Best Possible Relationship*.

Most leaders recognize the critical nature of healthy, peer relationships. Yet, few leaders lay an intentional foundation for success as those relationships start. In this episode, Michael and I discuss how to start with peers using the five questions in a Keystone Conversation.
Key Points

Nobody really like to say hello but everyone likes to be greeted. Make a decision to be the person that begins.
Preparing thoughtful responses to the five questions in a Keystone Conversation will help you come to a dialogue in an authentic and vulnerable way.
The responses themselves aren’t as critical as the process itself. By entering into a keystone conversation, you are laying the foundation for future dialogue and the best possible relationship.

The five questions of a Keystone Conversation:

The Amplify Question: What’s your best?
The Steady Question: What are your practices and preferences?
The Good Date Question: What can you learn from successful past relationships?
The Bad Date Question: What can you learn from frustrating past relationships?
The Repair Question: How will you fix it when things go wrong?

Resources Mentioned

Preorder Michael’s book at bestpossiblerelationship.com
Bonus audio: Michael’s process for writing this book (12 minutes)

Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes

How to Deal with Opponents and Adversaries, with Peter Block (episode 328)
How to Involve Stakeholders in Decisions, with Eric Pliner (episode 586)
How to Start a Big Leadership Role, with Carol Kauffman (episode 617)

Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Most leaders recognize the critical nature of healthy peer relationships, yet few of us

0:07.0

lay an intentional foundation for success as those relationships start.

0:13.0

In this episode, Michael Bungay-Stanier returns to discuss how to start working with peers

0:18.8

using five key questions.

0:21.5

This is Coaching for Leaders, Episode 635.

0:26.3

Greetings to you from Orange County, California.

0:37.5

This is Coaching for Leaders, and I'm your host, Dave Stahovjak.

0:42.3

Leaders aren't born, they're made.

0:44.8

And this weekly show helps you discover leadership wisdom through insightful conversations.

0:50.8

And boy, we've had so many conversations on this show about the relationship between

0:56.0

the manager and the employee, and how to make that relationship better and to set a

1:01.1

good foundation.

1:02.4

We've also had many conversations about the manager to the more senior person.

1:07.8

How do you manage up and frame that conversation well?

1:11.4

What we haven't had as many conversations on is, how do you start and maintain a strong

1:16.2

relationship with a peer and with your peers?

1:19.7

It's such a critical competency for us as leaders, and yet it is something that we don't

1:24.2

think about very intentionally, most of us, most organizations, don't think about it

1:28.3

very intentionally.

1:29.3

And when those good relationships happen, they often happen by chance rather than intention.

1:34.2

Today, a starting point for how to begin with peers that will help us to really frame

1:39.4

relationships in the best possible way.

...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Dave Stachowiak, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Dave Stachowiak and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.

Copyright © Tapesearch 2025.