Welcome to the happiness podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. If you've been listening to

this podcast for a while, something that may be important to you is finding happiness.

But believe it or not, actually the seeking of happiness can keep us from being happy.

Let me explain. Let's explore the world of dating for a moment. You may have been married for a very long time if you're listening to this podcast or you may be out there looking for your future mate. But in either situation I think you can relate to this. People

that tend to be desperate looking really hard to find their future mate often come across

as not very desirable.

But those who are more relaxed about it,

and just kind of sit back and enjoy the journey of dating

have a much better chance of often finding their mate.

And that more tense person, even when they meet someone who may be a mate is kind of going

through a lot of head stuff thinking well is this the right person is this going to work

what if it doesn't work is a lot of mental commentary that actually keeps them from enjoying the journey.

So while they're looking, they're upset, but even their upsetness can keep them from finding

their make because it puts them on edge and they're just not as comfortable and relax.

Now let's take it to the next phase of life.

We're looking for a new job and we're excited but nervous so we go on that first interview and we're so nervous that we may

or may not get the job what will it mean if we don't what will people think about

us what if they don't like us that we come across so tense that they sometimes don't hire us and even if we get hired

we're so worried about doing a good job and will they like us

and what will our reviews look like

that we really don't enjoy the job and often don't do as well because we're so

preoccupied about doing well.

...