61. Are Your Friendships Draining or Charging You? with Luvvie Ajayi Jones

We Can Do Hard Things

Treat Media and Glennon Doyle

Society & Culture, Relationships, Education, Self-improvement

4.8 • 41.1K Ratings

🗓️ 13 January 2022

⏱️ 46 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

1. How do we build a squad of friends–people we can trust our truth and imperfection with, and who take responsibility for one another’s care? 2. How to know when it’s time to let a friendship go–and how we release one another without the hard feelings. 3. Why when we have a problem trusting others, it sometimes has to do with a lack of trust in ourselves. 4. Why Luvvie says her friends have rewired her brain, and answers the question: Can Black and white women really be friends? About Luvvie: Luvvie Ajayi Jones is a two-time New York Times bestselling author, podcast host, and sought-after speaker who thrives at the intersection of humor, media, and justice. Her critically acclaimed books Professional Troublemaker: The Fear-Fighter Manual and I’m Judging You: The Do-Better Manual were instant bestsellers and established her as a literary force with a powerful pen. Professional Troublemaker was just released in paperback. She’s an internationally recognized speaker who takes on dozens of stages every year around the globe and has spoken at some of the world's most innovative companies and conferences, including Google, Facebook, Amazon, and Twitter. She is also co-creator of the #SharetheMicNow global movement and hosts her podcast, Professional Troublemaker. Instagram: @luvvie Twitter: @Luvvie To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Okay, we are back. Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things. We are back with Lovey and
0:19.7	Lovey. I just want to jump right in and talk about two things with you. Easy, easy topics.
0:27.0	Number one is going to be about friendship. Number two is going to be about black women and
0:32.6	white women and if they can actually ever really be friends. Oh, this is my, I cannot fucking
0:38.0	wait for this conversation. So easy things. So first of all, when we talk about I, whenever
0:44.7	we ask a question, okay, can black women and white women be friends? We first have to define
0:49.8	what is friends, right? Like what? And Lovey, we're going to do an entire episode on friends
0:55.6	soon because I have felt very, very clueless about friendship my whole life and I think it's
1:00.9	because I don't understand it. I don't understand what the rules are. I don't understand the
1:04.5	structure. You enter into this thing and you're like, okay, let's be friends, but that means
1:08.7	two completely different things to each person. So you're always failing because one person has
1:13.5	these expectations for friendship that you don't know and you have the other and there's like when
1:19.3	you get married, you take vows. You know what everybody's expecting. Yeah, and you talk about it.
1:25.1	And you come to an agreement and you share value systems. And so there's an understanding
1:29.9	and agreement of the deal here. Yes. And in friendship, it's the Wild Wild West. I don't
1:34.4	know what anyone expects of me. It's better just to end it before it begins because it's going to
1:38.4	end badly. And also when does it end? Nobody gives you a, we're going to be friends for six months.
1:45.5	We're now breaking up friends. You have to be friends for the rest of your life. Oh my gosh,
1:49.2	this is so funny. So Lovey, clearly, I'm not the expert on this. I would say that you are an
1:54.0	expert on this when I watch the way that you and your friends take care of each other and love
1:58.5	each other and have joy together. Yes. None of this angst I'm describing seems to be always on
2:04.8	the yacht. Always on yacht. They're not always on yachts. They're often in other places.
	...

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