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Happiness Podcast

#587 The Inherited Self: Breaking the Cycles You Didn't Choose

Happiness Podcast

Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D.

Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.5 • 955 Ratings

🗓️ 15 May 2026

⏱️ 10 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

We all enter adulthood carrying a set of invisible scripts handed down to us by our families and our early environments. But what happens when you realize that the way you handle stress, relationships, or anger wasn't actually chosen by you, but was simply absorbed when you were young? In this episode, we are going to explore the profound practice of self-inquiry—learning how to bravely examine our childhood conditioning so we can consciously keep the beautiful habits we were taught, and permanently break the cycles we are destined to repeat if we stay on autopilot.

New Episode of the Happiness Podcast with Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D., Newport Beach Psychologist

🎧 Listen now at https://www.HappinessPodcast.org

Do you want to live a peaceful, happy life? Are you struggling with anxiety or depression? Or are you simply ready to take the next step toward your full potential?

Join Dr. Robert Puff, a licensed clinical psychologist with over 30 years of experience, on the Happiness Podcast. With over 20 million downloads, the podcast explores the specific actions you can take to create lasting happiness.

A licensed psychologist in Newport Beach, California and author of 15 books, Dr. Puff has spent decades studying human achievement and sharing what he's learned. He wants to help you learn the steps you need to take to soar in your own life.

His blog for Psychology Today has captivated nearly 3 million readers, establishing him as a leading thinker in mental wellness.

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Transcript

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0:00.0

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. There's a lot of life lessons I've learned now working as a clinical psychologist for 30 years. But one of the most poignant lessons that I've learned is when we get in stressful situations, our childhood conditionings get really strong and loud. And I've heard so many people say,

0:23.6

Oh no, I sounded exactly like my parents did.

0:27.6

Or, I'm turning out just like my parents did,

0:30.6

even though I hated what they did.

0:32.6

At the beginning of my career, many decades ago,

0:35.6

I remember the first time this really came to light

0:39.0

and solidified how powerful our upbringings are.

0:43.3

A woman I knew shared with me how when she was a kid, both her parents drank,

0:49.0

and it really, really bothered her and her brother because they would come home late,

0:53.9

they wouldn't be food on the table, and when they brother because they would come home late, they wouldn't

0:54.4

be food on the table, and when they were drunk they'd act so poorly that she didn't even

0:59.6

want her friends to come over to her house.

1:02.3

Then one day, something changed.

1:05.3

Her parents were on a bender and they didn't come home all weekend.

1:09.5

Not knowing what to do, she and her brother found the alcohol in the house,

1:13.6

and even though she had no idea why she did this, her and her brother decided to drink that alcohol.

1:19.6

And then at that moment, she completely understood why her parents drank, and she loved it.

1:26.2

But drinking has consequences to it and she spent many years

1:30.3

unraveling that choice. Think about your own life. Is there anything that you do that is reminiscent of your

1:38.8

parents? My grandmother was an early riser because she lived on a farm. My mother, who also lived on that farm, grew up waking up early.

1:48.0

And even though we didn't live on a farm, both my sister and I tend to wake up very early.

1:54.0

The truth is, we're not to blame for our initial conditioning.

...

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