What's up, what?

What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Chris O'Stefano, aka Chrissy Fake Leather Jackets. With me, as always, Janus Pappas, aka Yani Yonni Yombs.

AKA Yonni 100% clean ass.

Janus, here's the thing, here's something that I was talking about with Yonis we just went to um it's called porto rico it's called porto rico coffee company and that's just honestly the name of it they have really good cough in the west village um they uh they have you had to say that just because fans know otherwise it could have been of wajong chie it could have been a way chanchi i'm joking i mean they do always always have an open fire hydrant in the summertime because that's fucking Puerto Rican splish splash, but it's what it is. Yeah, we go. Yeah. Did we even make it a minute? Yeah. Oh, I don't have headphones. I can't even hear of Weishan Cheon. So you're just going to have to, I'm just going to have to. You're a white kid from Queens and it's just what it is.

Because I was in Denver with Patti Fly Balls and James Debo.

Yeah.

So understand. So you're just going to have to, I'm just going to have to have a white kid from Queens and it's just what it is.

I was in Denver with Paddy Fly Balls and James Debo. Yeah. So understand that it's going to take, it usually takes about 24 to 48 hours to shake off the Ridgewood. So there's going to be a few things I say. Yeah. That are just wild. Yeah. And it's what it is. Because if your brain was a fire hydrant and they took the caps off to let the water flow, you'd be saying welfare monkey a bunch. Yeah, 100%. Because inside that fire hudgeon, there's a lot of thoughts that when you took and they flew out, the word welfare would be said a lot. Let me tell you, let me just make one thing crystal fucking clear. When that water flowed, make no mistake the colors would be red, white and blue. It's what it is. Can we get a bunch of Wei Zhangxies for me saying welfare monkey? Yeah. Way song sheen. Yeah. It's what it is because my mom called German snow monkeys. And it's just a 10 out of 10. It's just what it is.

To do. Yeah. But what we were talking about was I now have been very close friends with Janus for like five years. And really, really close with him like neighbors for the past two years. So I know, not only do I know when Janice's ass is clean versus not clean, but I know the percentage of clean his ass is versus dirty. So I could tell right now he's got about a 95% clean ass because he didn't witch hazel. Wow. How did you know that? Because I just know because I could just tell. Because you could smell like a dog? Yeah, I could smell like a

dog. I got a keen sense of smell when it comes to Yanni P's ass. Let me just be crystal clear with our toots and our non-toots right now with the cackle. Let me just be crystal clear with the cackle. Yeah. When you wash your ass with bar and soap or to our black friends wash cloth and soap. Yeah.

Your ass is only going to be 95% clean.

Right.

If you want to go 100, you got to witch hazel your asshole. You got to just do it. You got to witch hazel the ass. And I know there's been times where, and I know that when Janis, when his ass gets down to less than 5% clean, I actually have to kick him out of my house.

So there was one time when he was in my apartment and his ass was about 4% clean and I had to ask him to kindly leave. I mean, it gets to a point where he just doesn't respect himself, but now he's getting married in two weeks. So every day he's made a commitment to his lovely soon-to-be wife that he's going to not eat Pete's for two weeks except on the day of his bachelor party and the night of the rehearsal dinner.

So just those two. made a commitment to his lovely, soon-to-be wife, that he's going to not eat Pete's for two weeks

except on the day of his bachelor party and the night of the rehearsal dinner. So just those two days

he'll eat Pete's and his ass will be clean 95% of the time until the wedding. Because the reason

why Scandinavians don't have fumes, I'm going to reveal the reason now. It's not as crazy

as what we thought. Here we go. This is a, this is a Yanni truth right now.

Yeah, this is a crystal clear, Chrissy D. Yeah. Chrissy chaos. Yeah. Peanut Head Pussy Head Pappas moment of truth.

Here it is. I'm going to change the world right now. Here we go. Okay. You ready? Yes.

The reason why Scandinavians don't have fumes is not as mysterious. It's not as much a consequence as nature as we've been purporting. Right. The truth is when you go to Scandinavia, which many people don't get the chance to do because it's so expensive there, it's nuts. Right. But I've been able and privileged to travel there extensively. Thank you for acknowledging your privilege. Yeah, my privilege. Your white privilege. My wife privilege. Because I'm white and privilege. I was able through comedy and my privilege to go there and tour for a couple years. And here's the deal. Yeah. It's not that sexy in answer. We've been making a lot of jokes, but I'm going to let the world know what the problem is. Let's know what the truth is. Why Americans overall have fumes, why we have a lot of fumes and a lot of other countries and Scandinavians have no fumes. Yeah. You want to know? Yeah. It's a simple as removable shower hats. Really? That's what it is because it's not a sexy thing. and we got a lot of mileage out of fumes and non-fumes. And now we have a whole thing, a world where fumes means more than just the way your crotch smells. Right. So now I'm going to let the truth be told. The fucking problem in this country is for some reason the showerhead is fixed above our head aimed at our chest and shoulder.

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