562: How Three Became Two

Regular Features

Comedy

4.9 • 546 Ratings

🗓️ 16 April 2024

⏱️ 30 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

"Stop, Children, what's that sound?" Let me stop you right there, Buffalo Springfield, because I think I know the answer to this one. "That sound" is Episode 562 of Regular Features. And you know what? It very nearly wasn't. This is an unusual episode, in that it survived the total post-recording elimination of one participant, "Log", thanks entirely to "Log". This is the Little Podcast That Survived. It is a perfectly lovely Frankenstein of an episode. If you were a Lady Frankenstein, I reckon it'd be right up your street. If you *are* a Lady Frankenstein, and you want me to put you in touch, please send an SAE marked "I promise not to scream when Episode 562 calls me FRIEND, sending it into a suicidal rage" to WE BELONG DEAD PO Box 562 Ashby De La Zouch Thanks for being you. (Unless you're awful) Features Scheming Weasel by Kevin McLeod off of Incompetech.com

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and welcome to regular features. The podcast is the same every single bloody old week.
0:13.8	This week, like every week, I'm floating alone in a cigar-shaped isolation pod floating down the Niagara River. I have been placed here
0:22.9	by my two best friends to teach me a lesson. This is my punishment, because this week, like every
0:30.2	week, the sound file containing my voice was hexed into audio smithereens after it bounced off an
0:36.1	internet witch.
0:42.4	I wasn't aware of the problems with my sound file until yesterday, some days after we recorded the podcast. Steve initiated a WhatsApp and asked me,
0:46.5	Where's this file?
0:47.7	He said.
0:48.8	I upbordid it.
0:50.0	I replied, trying to reproduce his tone to show that I was the beater and no immediate threat.
0:56.0	Well, it's not there!
0:57.6	He spat back, radiating masculinity and modulating his voice to baffle my conciliatory voice-matching tactics.
1:05.2	Give me a second to look, I replied, unable to hit his notes precisely, but doing an arpeggio to cover my bases.
1:13.6	RF562, space-hifes, log.wav.
1:17.6	It was right there in my recent files.
1:20.6	Hooray, right?
1:22.6	Right?
1:24.6	But get this.
1:26.6	When I right clicked to open the folder location, what happened next will shock you.
1:32.4	I'm going to shock you now with a truth that I don't think you're ready for.
1:37.4	I simply don't think any of you could have concluded from the context I provided you with the truth that I shall now reveal.
1:47.0	My big wav was gone, obliterated by a digital witch's curse.
	...

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