552: On Shame and Belonging with Jef Slootsmaekers

Brave Love Great Sex – Couples Therapy Podcast

Cloud10

Sexuality, Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.6 • 2K Ratings

🗓️ 10 July 2026

⏱️ 69 minutes

🔗️ Recording | Apple Podcasts | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Welcome Brave Lovers! In today's episode, Laurie is joined by EFT couples therapist Jef Slootmaekers. Jef is an EFT trainer hailing from Belgium and is the author of a new book on shame called Shame in Psychotherapy: The Art of Appearing (English translation coming in September 2026). He is also the coauthor of Fighting for Connection: Perspectives on Conflict and Intimate Partner Violence . This fantastic episode starts with the question "If shame had a voice, what would it want us to understand about being human?" and dives deep into our need to belong to each other, the ways we experience shame, its healthy functions and how toxic core shame is developed. All persons feel shame but our response to shame can either be adaptive or create negative stories that organize and influence our relationships with ourselves and others. Walk through this conversation with Laurie and Jef to learn the healthy functions of shame, why living in a world without shame would be like driving around New York City without traffic lights. Learn how to recognize unhealthy shame and ways to uncondition yourself from the rigid stories it has created. We all need to feel safe and belong and this conversation helps shine a light in the dark places we keep to ourselves but can also keep us stuck. This conversation brings a lightness and hope to what can be a heavy topic and you'll walk away with action steps on how to begin healing toxic shame. Take care Brave Lovers! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Some books change your life and the body keeps the score with that book for me.
0:05.0	As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself.
0:10.0	The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know.
0:13.0	That takes an enormous amount of courage.
0:16.0	It was eye-opening, hearing how traumatic experiences leave scars on us.
0:23.7	It's really changed how I understand people in relationships.
0:25.4	Life changes when you listen.
0:28.3	The body keeps the score by Bessel van der Kolk.
0:29.4	Now on Spotify.
0:36.1	Get the new Fix and Fall Tariff from British Gas, where prices can only slide down.
0:42.0	If energy prices climb up, no worries, you'll be fixed for two years, but if later the market falls, so will your tariff. A win-win, sorted automatically by us.
0:47.8	Price cap, taken care of. Fix your prices today. Search British Gas Fix and Fall.
0:54.0	Teas and C's eligibility and limitations apply. Price Review based on the off-gen price cap after 12 months. Search British Gas Fix and Fall. Tise, eligibility and limitations apply.
0:55.9	Price review based on the off-gen price cap after 12 months.
0:57.9	See Britishgas.co.uk.orgify for more.
1:02.2	Abercrombie is here for the height of summer, with key pieces made for the days that don't slow down.
1:07.8	The Dillon dress makes getting out the door feel easy from the start, while the
1:11.4	sloan tailored pant brings a more polished feel for work plans and then happy hour. And for all the
1:16.1	moments in between or after, matching sets and everyday denim make putting together an outfit feel
1:21.0	effortless. Keep up with the pace of summer without overthinking it. Shop Abercrombie in the app,
1:26.7	online and in stores.
1:29.2	The following content is not suitable for children.
	...

Transcript will be available on the free plan in 12 days. Upgrade to see the full transcript now.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Cloud10, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Cloud10 and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.