The first rule of mastery is push your chair back from the table and say, I'm going to make a fundamental commitment to work on the inside out rather than work from the outside in the most

dynamically powerful people in the world do not let their external world dictate their internal experience.

Welcome to The Learning Leaders Show, presented by Incyclo. Will I am your host, Ryan Hawke. Thank you so much for being here. Text Hawke to 66866 to become part of Mindful Monday, you, along with tens of thousands of other learning leaders from all over the world, will receive a carefully curated email for me each Monday morning to help you start your week off

right. You'll also receive details about how I book the pursuit of excellence will help you become a more effective leader text Hawke to 66866 now onto tonight's featured leader, Dr. Michael Jerve is one of the world's top high-performance psychologists. His clients include world record holders, Olympians, internationally acclaimed artists and musicians, MVP's from every major sport in Fortune 100 CEOs. He is also the founder,

of Finding Mastery, a high-performance psychology consulting agency, and he's the author of a new book called The First Rule of Mastery. Stop worrying about what people think of you. During this conversation, we discuss the problems with basing yourself worth on performance and what we can do instead.

Then dealing with FOPO, FOPO is fear of people's opinion. Dr. Mike shares how we can better manage this and then what it means to have a quote, learner's mindset and how to cultivate this in yourself and your team. Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy this wide-ranging conversation with Dr. Michael Jerve.

Dr. Mike, it's great to have you here on the learning leader show. Welcome, man. I'm stoked to be here with you and there's that voice that come to know.

Thank you, man. I love the book, The First Rule of Mastery. Stop worrying about what people think of you. But it's funny, Mike, I actually moved directly to the back because I loved one of your acknowledgments specifically and I wanted to start here because it sounds like this is the most important person in your life.

To Lisa, the love of my life, it's because of you that I no longer pray for calm waters, but to rather test the strength of our sales.

Beautifully written, man, what made you write your love note to your wife in that way in the acknowledgments of this book?

Well, we've been through some rough waters now. So we met young and we met in high school. And then I think it's an amazing opportunity to meet somebody that young and have a deep passionate love with the person, but there's complications in that as well.

And so it's like we were two oak trees just forming and then we started to wrap our roots around each other. And it was a real challenge as we were training and yearning for understanding independence and separation, but we had this love for each other in this intertwined way.

So what we had to do is we had to do real work to create that healthy ecosystem that's separate but touching at the branches rather than at the roots.

So we did quite simply she one day we're seven years married and she's like, look, I love you. You're a good man. I can't do this anymore. I'm losing my way of who I am. I'm sorry. You've missed all of my signals.

Well, we're done all the explicit. I don't know if your audience has got some youth in there or not, but they'll be mindful of that. But all the like what that.

And so I moved out scared as you can be because like I blown this now because I was selfish and vicious trying to figure out how to build a business and understand psychology at the deepest level.

And we just reached an impasse and we did the deep work. We got back. We got our ass in the therapy. We feel fortunate that we found a wise woman that held us accountable.

And we thread that needle now. It's really hard to do. And so we've been married like, you know, 20 some years and 30, 30 years. And so anyways, that's why people ask me all the time as a quote unquote high performance psychologist.

Is there a golden thread? Is there similarities of best in the world? Is there commonalities amongst the one percenters?

And I went on an early part of my professional career to try to answer that question because when people would ask it, I was curious about it first.

And then when people would ask it, I didn't have anything close to a satisfying answer or understanding.

So I made a deep commitment to try to figure that thing out.

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