538: Help a Know-It-All Behave Better, with Mark Goulston

Coaching for Leaders

Dave Stachowiak

Education, Business, Management, Self-improvement, Careers

4.8 • 1.6K Ratings

🗓️ 2 August 2021

⏱️ 33 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Mark Goulston: Talking to Crazy Mark Goulston is a Founding Member of the Newsweek Expert Forum and a Marshall Goldsmith MG100 Coach, who works with founders, entrepreneurs and CEOs in dealing with and overcoming psychological and interpersonal obstacles to realizing their full potential. He is the host of the My Wakeup Call podcast and was a UCLA professor of psychiatry for more than twenty years and is also a former FBI hostage negotiation trainer. One of his many bestselling books is Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life*. In this conversation, Mark and I discuss some of the key principles that are effective in diffusing difficult or irrational behavioral. When that behavior is coming from someone who seems to be a know-it-all, we explore three steps that will help you guide them towards better behavior. Key Points In his book, Mark writes about know-it-alls: They don’t say, “People think I’m a jerk, and I need to change my behavior.” Instead, they say, “People dislike me because they’re stupid and incompetent.” This convinces the know-it-alls that they need to double down on quashing the spirits of their victims. If you treat people like they are nuts are you are not, they will just bite down deeper on their thinking. Lean into their irrationality to change the dynamic. Most people react to know-it-alls by becoming defensive or sullen. You’re better to take to opposite approach. Start by genuinely recognizing the talents and know-it-all brings to the workplace. Lead a conversation about behavior change with them by first leading with a genuine compliment about their talents. Once that is established, describe how their actions are self-defeating in a way that reinforces the strength you’ve highlighted. Resources Mentioned Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life* by Mark Goulston My Wakeup Call podcast with Mark Goulston Interview Notes Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required). Related Episodes How to Listen When Someone Is Venting, with Mark Goulston (episode 91) How to Manage Abrasive Leaders, with Sharone Bar-David (episode 290) Where You May Be Provoking Anxiety, with Erica Dhawan (episode 528) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Bet you know someone who is a know-it-all, you know the type, they're arrogant, they
0:04.7	act superior, and then they seem to rub that superiority in people's faces.
0:10.1	Now what if you manage that person and you want to help them get better?
0:14.3	On this episode, three steps to help you and them improve.
0:19.3	This is coaching for leaders, episode 538.
0:23.7	Produced by Innovate Learning, Maximizing Human Potential.
0:29.8	Greetings to you from Orange County, California.
0:35.8	This is coaching for leaders and I'm your host, Dave Stahovjak.
0:40.8	Leaders aren't born, they're made.
0:43.2	And this weekly show helps you discover leadership wisdom through insightful conversations.
0:49.4	Three leader deals with people who are difficult and deals with people that are either irrational
0:55.2	or at least we perceive to be irrational.
0:58.5	And specifically, we also all deal with people who are know-it-alls.
1:03.0	How can we do a better job at helping them to behave and more broadly?
1:07.0	How can we do a better job at being able to handle the irrational situations and people
1:12.5	that we run into?
1:13.5	Today, I'm so glad to welcome back to the show, someone who's absolutely an expert at
1:17.5	this.
1:18.5	It's going to help us to really navigate some of the more difficult situations so we can
1:22.3	do a better job at serving people and serving our organizations.
1:26.2	I'm so glad to welcome back to the show, Mark Gulstein.
1:29.6	He is a founding member of the Newsweek Expert Forum and a Marshall Goldsmith MG-100 coach.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Dave Stachowiak, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Dave Stachowiak and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.