#535 - Heck & Mess, John’s Grave Lecture and A Walk-Walk Technique

Elis James and John Robins

Significant Productions

Comedy

4.8 • 6.7K Ratings

🗓️ 28 April 2026

⏱️ 70 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

It’s a funny old episode today due to the circular way this podcast is recorded. In one sense you could say that John and Dave HAVE run the marathon (indeed post-mara John does make a brief appearance), but in another, very real sense you could argue that they HAVEN’T run the marathon.

Did they finish it? Who knows (yes they did). How did it go? We’ll have to find out (John was caught lubing his nether regions). Was a new world record achieved? Maybe (it was, but by whom?). All answers to be revealed in a completely unconfusing way in our next episode.

But onto today’s pod, and it’s a biggie. There's a lot of exploding going on, some life lessons are learned, and PM John faces some tough questions about his conduct.

All this, plus a debut death-themed game and a coffee machine meltdown.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Attention, Ellis and John apologists, vibe tasters, hammer legends and all PCDs.
0:06.1	This is a content alert. Here at Ellis and John HQ, we are constantly evolving.
0:11.9	Like Betamax or minidisc, content that stay still is dead. So, after seven years of terrestrial
0:18.6	podcast-first BBC broadcasting, Ellis and John is entering the future
0:23.4	sphere. Why did I let John write this? We're forging a path into a new digital millennium.
0:29.1	The millennium was 26 years ago. From this day thence, Ellis and John will still be available on BBC
0:34.3	sounds, but the Ellis and John world is expanding. And as a part of that
0:38.7	Globo-Splosion... Dave, can he say this? As a part of that Globo-Splosion, if you're not listening
0:44.0	on BBC Sounds, you will start to hear adverts, some generic, some rift by Ellis and I, as we dip our
0:49.4	toes into the world of independent content creation.
1:09.8	... the world of independent content creation. Hello listeners. Welcome to Elliot and John, and because of the unique way we record this podcast, I'm having to predict the future.
1:17.5	We are recording this a few days before the London Marathon, though it will have happened by the time you hear this.
1:23.2	It is an event that has dominated the thoughts of Dave and John, has seen them both raise an astonishing £71,000 for standing together against domestic abuse
1:32.2	and prevent breast cancer, and in the opinion of some, the end of the marathon will conclude
1:37.1	a period of constant running chat that has proven to be an all-time low in the history of this show.
1:43.1	Our Rajar figures are down, the show's no longer funny, but our agent has assured us that
1:48.1	Dave and John's incredible efforts in turning a program that used to be two stand-up comics
1:52.4	chatting into the greatest public health initiative since the polio vaccine will not go
1:58.4	and notice when we renegotiate our contract with the BBC.
2:02.7	When we first began our tenure on Five Live in May 2019,
2:06.6	people said that for a station that has largely news and sport to emit,
2:10.5	we were too different, too challenging, too dangerous.
	...

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