53: Maccabees 3: Elephant Drift (The Third Book of Maccabees)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 8 December 2019

⏱️ 62 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Happy Hanukkah, Theophiloi, and welcome back to the action-packed saga of the Dynasty of God's Resisters! Ptolemy (not that one, the one who loves daddy) is causing some trouble in Alexandria, and by trouble, we mean a mass execution via 500 drunk elephants. This book rules. Plus: our hopefully not offensive suggestions for new Hanukkah traditions! Will Judith bring you a fancy pen on her way to her next beheading? We hope so!

Topics of discussion: Dreidel single player campaign mode, particles, Lebanon-3, an insignificant person, friends vs. Friends, the Miracle of the Stationery, Hermon: Keeper of the Elephants, questions for elephant scientists, frightful devices, a definitive numerical power level for God, das0l0m0nz0ne.

Hymnal: "Pink Elephants on Parade" by Mel Blanc, Thurl Ravenscroft, and the Sportsmen

Offertory: If you have been given riches, wealth, and honor so that you lack nothing of all you desire for yourself, let a stranger enjoy them via ko-fi.com/apocrypals. The Lord, after all, loves a cheerful giver.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Then the king, completely inflexible, was filled with overpowering anger and wrath,
0:05.0	so he summoned Herman, keeper of the elephants, and ordered him on the following day to drug all the elephants, 500 in number,
0:12.0	with large handfuls of frankincense and plenty of unmixed wine, and drive them in, maddened by the lavish abundance of drink,
0:19.0	so that the Jews might meet their doom.
0:22.1	The third book of Maccabees, chapter five, verses one and two.
0:26.4	I can stand the sight of worms and look at microscopic germs,
0:30.9	but technicolor of pachyderms is really too much for me.
0:35.3	I am not the type to faint when things are odd or things are quaint, but seeing things you know
0:41.0	that ain't can certainly give you an awful fright.
0:43.9	What a sight!
0:45.1	Chase them away!
0:46.1	Chase them away!
0:47.2	I'm afraid.
0:48.4	Need your aid.
0:49.4	Hello, friends and neighbors.
0:51.0	And welcome to Apocrypals.
0:52.6	It's the podcast where two non-believers read the Bible,
0:54.8	but we try not to be jerks about it. My name is Chris Sims. With me as always is the other set
1:00.0	of footprints Benito Serino. Benito, happy Hanukkah.
1:03.0	One, two, three, four, five, six, and eight. Days of love, days of eight, days of Hanukkah.
1:15.6	Hey, Hanukkah Samayak.
1:19.6	To you, Haq Hanukhanika Samayak, everybody.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Chris Sims, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Chris Sims and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.