519 - Competing for Attention: Why Your Partner's Distraction Hurts

Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships

Multiamory, LLC

Sexuality, Self-improvement, Relationships, Health & Fitness, Society & Culture, Education

4.9 • 935 Ratings

🗓️ 4 March 2025

⏱️ 58 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Today we're talking about attention and attentiveness as a relationship resource. It's natural for us to want to feel loved, important, and listened to, especially by our partners and family. But distraction happens, particularly nowadays in a digital age, and if your partner is distracted by work, their phone, other partners, or just other life priorities, it can be really distressing to feel like there’s a lack of attention. We're going to be discussing why this can be so upsetting, the most important things to know about attentiveness, and how to cope if you’re feeling that lack of attention. Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.supercast.com. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community.Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at paired.com/MULTI. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	I do judge those people who sit there on a day just on their phones or they go meet up with
0:08.1	their friends and they're just on their phones and like I never want to look like that.
0:11.2	And then my freaking nightmare came true once, James.
0:14.1	You remember and you will never let this, I will never let you live this down.
0:18.0	What happens?
0:18.6	There was one time we went to dinner.
0:20.9	Here's the thing.
0:21.8	We were actually looking up something together that we were talking about.
0:25.8	So this was not even like a bad example.
0:27.6	But I'd already been like, I don't know about this.
0:30.3	Can we just do this on one phone?
0:31.7	Like there had already been a little bit of conflict around that.
0:34.4	But you were like, whatever, it's fine.
0:36.4	So we're both looking up something together on
0:38.0	both of our phones. And this really sweet older couple comes up to us. And this woman like touches
0:42.2	me on the shoulder. And she's like, put your phone away. Like you're not going to remember what's
0:46.3	going on in your phone. But this moment between the two of you, one time, one time. Yeah, Dedeker was like, this is the nightmare scenario.
0:56.9	I've been trying to avoid all this time and it just happened.
1:00.5	It was just the universe telling you you were correct, Deddiger.
1:03.3	I don't want to chase that one down.
1:04.3	I'd be like, I know, I know.
1:07.6	Welcome to the Multi-Amory podcast.
	...

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