#509 - Cognitive Incline, Watching Swans In Watford and The World’s Rarest Goose

Elis James and John Robins

Significant Productions

Comedy

4.8 • 6.7K Ratings

🗓️ 27 January 2026

⏱️ 60 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

“Caernarfon Heritage Steam Train, why must you forsake me?” Now that’s a taste of what to expect on this episode. The next step in Elis’s English language stand up return has hit the buffers as he plays a room which isn’t Europe’s best gig. Just how can he produce laughs from wealth managers when Llanfairfechan Community Centre is some of the best stuff in his arsenal?

Fear not however, because the bit about a big table in a miners’ institute is always ready to go in emergencies.

But it’s not all anxiety dreams, as we take a journey into the forest mind via John’s new mantra for life. There’s also one of our greatest jingles ever and a game which Elis hates, thus meaning great aural enjoyment for yourselves.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	BBC Sounds, Music, Radio Podcasts.
0:05.7	Hello, you're about to listen to a BBC podcast, and I'm Ed Gamble, host of another BBC podcast, The Traitors Uncloaked.
0:12.7	But my show is available only on BBC Sounds, just like Ellis and John's Saturday bonus episodes,
0:18.2	The Pop Top Ten podcast with Scott Mills and Rylan, and comedy specials
0:22.2	from the likes of Harriet Kemsley, Susie Ruffle and Rommashranganathan.
0:25.9	However, and maybe I'm biased, it's really all about the traitors uncoaked.
0:30.3	So for a whole bunch of exclusive scoops and podcasts, listen only on BBC Sounds.
0:56.1	Hello listeners. Thank you for downloading this episode of Alison John.
1:00.5	Some of you might remember from last week that there was a real spring in my step,
1:03.3	as I'd made my return to English language stand up.
1:06.2	Well, this week, I hope to be more reflective.
1:10.6	Having had my confidence bolstered by only performing in ABC comedy in Kennington,
1:15.6	known amongst the industry as Europe's best gig and the universe's most misleadingly positive audience,
1:20.7	I felt able to stretch my legs and perform in front of an audience of real people.
1:26.9	Alarm bells started to ring when the 100 or so punters in the audience seemed irritated and confused by my brand new opener of
1:28.3	well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, the old comic instinct of mine honed from years on the circuit kicked in, I could tell that they just needed more. They wanted more, but I could also feel myself becoming unreasonably angry. This wasn't a comedy
1:45.0	literate audience like at ABC. Did these goons know that saying well, well, well, well too many
1:49.6	times builds comic tension? But also, I'm an entertainer. You've got to play the gig in front of you.
1:55.2	These people just want a good night out. I mustn't blame them. Unfortunately, I'm so enduced of being on stage. I had this
2:03.3	conversation in real time over about 15 seconds in my head in utter silence, apart from at the end
2:09.2	when I just muttered into the mic by mistake, it's not their fault. I had to act fast. I immediately
2:16.3	dropped Lanvarvich and Community Centre.
	...

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