How Daily Habits Transformed His 36-Year Marriage: Harvey's Story

Marriage is holy work.

Maybe you're reading this today because you're hoping your marriage will change. Maybe you're reading this because you've prayed, "Lord, please help my marriage," when really you mean "Lord, please help my spouse!"

I hope this blog and episode will make you feel both comforted and inspired — that you'll be reminded your marriage can change, not by grand gestures or perfect communication, but by small, faithful, daily habits of love.

This is what Harvey discovered as well. That it wasn't grand gestures or big sweeping shifts that changed his marriage, but small, daily, consistent habits that brought it God's love, peace, and patience into his marriage.

Changing Your Priorities: When Hard Work is Leading to Disconnect

Harvey and his wife have been married nearly 37 years. Together, they raised four kids and built a life on their dairy farm. For decades, he worked two full-time jobs—teaching high school by day and farming by night.

He says, "Every day was between 12 to 16 hours. My wife was incredibly supportive, but I just wasn't there emotionally."

Maybe you can relate. Life's responsibilities pile up, and before you know it, years have passed. You're functioning—but not really connecting.

Despite his faith and commitment, Harvey admits that emotional and spiritual intimacy were missing. He wanted closeness, but didn't know how to get there.

A Different Kind of Prayer—and a Different Kind of Growth

After retiring from teaching, Harvey finally had space to seek help. He'd been listening to our podcast for years and decided it was time to join Masculinity Reclaimed, our men's program.

The first surprise? It wasn't about changing his wife!

It was about learning to love her the way Christ loves the Church.

He started with one habit: daily time with God. Reading Scripture. Praying. Reflecting. And eventually, he began praying with his wife in the mornings—a completely new rhythm in their 36 years together.

That quiet time, over coffee and prayer, became a beautiful and cherished time for emotional connection.

The Turning Point: Accepting Your Wife as She Is

Halfway through the program, Harvey realized that for years, he had been looking at his wife through the lens of what she wasn't.

She wasn't this, she wasn't that...

But when he stopped trying to change her and started accepting her for who she is, the woman he fell in love with, the woman she had always been, rather than who he hoped she might someday become–everything began to shift.

That acceptance made her feel safe. Seen. Loved.

And when a woman feels safe, her heart opens. His wife began to blossom before his very eyes and the connection Harvey had longed for finally began to grow.

The Habits That Build a Marriage

Here's the truth: marriage is a system of habits.

Paul says, if you're married, you will have trouble. (1 Corinthians 7:28)
You'll have to think about how to please your spouse. (1 Corinthians 7:34)

Are you in the habit of thinking about your spouse?
Are you in the habit of considering them and putting them first?
Are you in the habit of encouraging, loving, praying, and serving them?

It's not always easy work — but it is good work.

Every word, every look, every morning prayer can help build connection.

That's why transformation doesn't happen overnight.
It happens in the daily choices.

Final Thoughts

Friends, you don't have to wait to start changing your marriage. Harvey shared with us, "I wish I had learned these things earlier in my marriage." We want that for you as well! 

You don't have to wait to retire or for your kids to be out of the house. You don't have to wait to be a certain age or have been married a certain number of years. You can start investing in your marriage now, today, to say that the next 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years of marriage were incredible.

That is what we want for you. And we know, that no matter where your marriage is at right now, it can change. Just ask Harvey.

We are rooting for you and we know that we serve a God who makes all things new– and that includes marriages.

 

God bless you!

 

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

 

PS - If you're ready to take the next step and get into a community that knows what it's like and are doing the hard work themselves– we'd love to chat with you. Click here to schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Call Advisors and take the next step in healing your marriage.

PPS - Are you a fan of this work and wish more people knew about it? We are launching an In-Person Training program this January and we would love to come to your church, workplace, community group, or wherever you gather! For more information, visit our In-Person Training page.

PPPS - Here is what another recent grad had to say about our program:
"I've become more contented and patient and focused on [my wife's] needs and a better listener I think. She says our home has less tension since I've been doing the program. I take that as a win!"