As we enter the New Year, I've been reflecting upon which dating royalty will return to the Love Island Villa.

Lovers from across the land will be hoping they get the call to be a Love Island All-Star

and share values of kindness, compassion and snogging.

I urge them to love thy neighbour on the next sun lounger

and hope that come January 13th on ITB2 and ITBX,

love will reign supreme.

Why was the sand wet?

Because the seaweed.

Thank you. Because the seaweed. Which baseball team always has a sense of deja vu?

The New York haven't we metz?

What do you call a cactus that's really really sharp prick ocious ow if you just read the bio for Dr. Steve, host of weird medicine on Sirius XM103, and made popular by two really comedy shows, Opie and Anthony and Ron and Fez, you would have thought that this guy was a bit of, you know, a clown.

Why can't you give me the respect that I'm entitled to?

I've got diphtheria crushing my esophagus.

I've got Zabola Vib stripping from my nose.

I've got the leprosy of the heartbound,

exacerbating my incredible woes.

I want to take my brain out, blast with the wave, an ultrasonic, ecographic, and a pulsating

shave.

I want a magic pill.

All my ailments, the health equivalent of citizen cane.

And if I don't get it now in the tablet, I think I'm doomed, then I'll have to go insane.

I want a requiem for my disease.

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