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Today we're talking with Kira Satrin loneliness, not something I think about a whole lot, not something most people think about a whole lot, but it's shocking how many people are quote unquote lonely, scientifically defined, suffering from chronic loneliness in the United States.

Millennials have a specifically large problem with this and frankly there is an antidote. We're going to talk about that. It's called closeness. It can be learned and Kira is going to tell us how with that welcome to the art of charm. I'm your host Jordan Harbinger and I'm here with producer Jason.

Who don't talk the heart of charm brings together the best thought leaders teachers and exceptional individuals to teach you how to be a top performer in life, love, and at work. We may not have all the answers, but we definitely have all the questions. All right, let's talk to Kira Satrin.

So tell us what you do in one sentence. I am a certified relationship coach and I work with couples and teams primarily on building this feeling of closeness.

And what exactly does that mean because first of all when someone says, okay, I'm a certified relationship coach, I don't really know what that means because I feel like the coaching industry doesn't have a lot of integrity. And I say that from the position of being one myself, but I would agree that there's a lot of kind of just BSE certifications around. So can you tell us why we should listen to you versus the guy who put up a website yesterday and says he's also certified coach.

No, it's a good question. There are not a lot of regulations around the coaching industry. I went to the biggest and longest running life coaching school. It's called the coaches training Institute. So I have real training and the topic of loneliness is something that I've lived through myself and I draw on a lot of my own life experiences to talk about what worked for me.

And then what has worked for my clients going forward.

Okay, why did you pick the topic of loneliness because I just never think about loneliness. It's on the forefront of my consciousness. Were you a lonely person to that spark interest? Is this something that was close to you?

Yeah, it is something that I drew a pie on life from. I actually remember feeling lonely as a little child. And I remember being an elementary school and being like, this is really straight and that I feel this feeling, especially because I have a very nice family.

You know, I've always had friends more or less. And a lot of the advice that's out there in the world about loneliness is very like put yourself out there. Yeah, it's crap. If you just meet more people, you'll have more friends. And I wanted to approach it from a different perspective.

And you're preaching to the choir here for sure because when we first started this show, we were kind of in like a dating frame and dating advice was just be yourself. And it's like, well, that works great.

If yourself is awesome and outgoing and fun and you don't get nervous ever, otherwise, you're screwed. And so I totally understand, yeah, just put yourself out there. Okay, what does that mean? And then people are like, you know, I got to go. And that's it. Right. That's all they got. Yeah.

Do you start researching this topic or were you like, okay, I feel this. I got to go get therapy. And where did the research process begin for you?

Yeah, so I spent about two years researching really just relationships in general. The question that I wanted to answer both for myself and in the book was what makes people feel close to one another.

Because the idea of like having friends is to a morpheus for me personally, I wanted to understand what made a friend a close friend. I read thousands of studies and I gave myself a makeshift master's degree in intimate relationships.

And then out of that, there's a lot of research in the book. And most of that came from that two year period of research.

This is sort of a crappy, pon almost or metal inception, but it seems like it would get lonely and depressing reading about loneliness and depression for two years.

It kind of totally did. I actually did. I was like, Dr. Heel myself or whatever that phrase is. Yeah, physician heal myself. I think that was like,

Hippocrates or something like that. And back in the great days, I'm not sure if you pronounce it that way, but yeah, exactly. At some point you're sitting in the stacks of a public library closing time on a Friday and you're like, wait a minute. This is me.

Yeah. And I also didn't really anticipate that some people would find this topic kind of embarrassing. Like to me, it's totally not. I don't feel vulnerable talking about it as it's come out that I've been speaking to a lot of people about it. It's like, I guess this isn't a thing that everybody thinks about.

As much as I do. Well, that and also I can imagine just from a guy's perspective, guys don't want to show any weakness in their armor at all. So if I talk to every single guy that I know, and I was like, are you lonely?

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