5 – The Retcon That Walks Like a Man
Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men
Jay Edidin & Miles Stokes
4.7 • 1.9K Ratings
🗓️ 11 May 2014
⏱️ 42 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In which the Bronze Age begins; Dave Cockrum is your god now; the band gets together; Sunfire joins the team; cultural sensitivity is not Marvel’s strong suit; Sunfire quits the team; it sucks to be Cyclops; Professor X crosses a moral event horizon; Sunfire joins the team; Ed Brubaker channels Thomas Hardy; you are probably a Summers brother; and Sunfire quits the team.
X-Plained:
- Bamf-Voltron Nightcrawler
- Giant-Size X-Men #1
- The worst hat of the Marvel Universe
- The Mostly-New, Mostly-Different X-Men
- A business-casual angry mob
- The limits of creative good intentions
- Tractor punching on the Ust-Ordynski Collective
- The correct spelling of “fine”
- Canada
- Sunfire’s utter disdain for everything, including you
- Krakoa: The Island That Walks Like a Man!
- Characteristics of good X-fights
- Yet another miracle of magnetism
- X-Men: Deadly Genesis
- Summers Family Continuity (Introductory)
- More hats
- The Muir-MacTaggert Research Facility
- Summers Family Continuity (Intermediate)
- The Charles Xavier Scale of Supervillainy
- Relative immunity
- Wolverine’s ubiquity
AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION:
- What would you do with thirteen X-Men?
- Help us find all-ages-friendly Marvel Girl stories!
You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey Rachel, wasn't Nightcrawler dead? |
| 0:01.6 | Yeah, Miles, he got telefragged in second coming. |
| 0:03.6 | Why? |
| 0:04.6 | He's got a new series. |
| 0:05.6 | Well, he got better. |
| 0:06.6 | How? |
| 0:07.6 | Okay, so you know how his dad is part of a group of demon mutants who've basically been around |
| 0:10.8 | since the beginning of time? |
| 0:12.1 | Is Azal, right? |
| 0:13.0 | Right, the same guy who was shooting for world domination |
| 0:15.2 | by fathering and then neglecting an army of teleporting blue dudes. |
| 0:17.8 | I thought we didn't talk about that storyline. |
| 0:20.5 | Yeah, but it got relevant again. Anyway, Nightcrawler's demon dad went on this |
| 0:24.3 | awesome campaign to become the Pirate King of the afterlife and Nightcrawler had to |
| 0:27.9 | stop him so he used the bampf's. Wait, the little blue guys from |
| 0:30.8 | Kitty's fairy tale. No different bamps. The ones from Excalibur. Those are |
| 0:33.8 | actually kind of the same ones but no these are bamps from hell. Anyway, Bista accidentally opened a |
| 0:37.6 | dimensional portal in the basement of the new Gene-Grayschool so now they hang out on |
| 0:40.6 | campus and they mostly just teleport around and steal Wolverine's whiskey. |
| 0:43.4 | Oh, those bamps. There are two sets. There are red ones who hang out with the Zazel and they're the blue ones who are Nightcrawler's |
| 0:48.8 | bros and those guys ended up merging sort of Voltron style to build him a new body so he's back now. |
| 0:53.2 | Huh. He might not have a soul though. What? What? I'm Rachel Eddadin. I'm Miles Stokes. And we are here to explain the X-Men. |
... |
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