5 Signs Of A Securely Attached Relationship

ManTalks Podcast

Connor Beaton

Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Relationships, Society & Culture, Mental Health

4.8 • 591 Ratings

🗓️ 30 September 2024

⏱️ 27 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Talking points: attachment, tactics, mindset Let’s admit we all want a relationship that’s balanced and has minimal conflict and insecurity. I’ve talked about what anxious and avoidant couples do, but how do securely attached couples navigate? Here are five things to model. (00:00:00) - Intro, and a quick recap on the main attachment styles (00:07:30) - What do securely attached people in relationships do? Number one: healthy conflict and resolution building (00:10:45) - Number two: they operate from a place of trust (00:12:40) - Number three: they can self-regulate and work towards healthy de-escalation (00:16:54) - Number four: they have a healthy balance of independence and togetherness (00:19:45) - Number five: they create, maintain, and repair connection (00:25:04) - If you’re not sure which one to start with, start here *** This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Get matched quickly with a therapist who can help you through the tough times and help you learn more about the best version of you yet. Visit BetterHelp.com/mantalks today to get 10% off your first month. Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	What are the signs of a securely attached person in a relationship?
0:11.5	How do you know if you are securely attached?
0:15.0	How do you know if you are engaging this behavior?
0:17.9	And what do you actually need to do in order to create a securely
0:22.9	attached relationship or to be more securely attached in your relationship? I'm going to go through the
0:27.2	five main things. I'm going to have some action for you to take at the end of this video. So make
0:32.7	sure you stay tuned to that. You can always skip ahead, but you're going to actually need to tune
0:36.1	into most of the content here in order to understand the action that you're going to take at the end.
0:40.6	But before I begin, I want to just give a quick recap. What is an anxious avoid, what is an
0:45.9	anxious, an avoidant, a disorganized, and a securely attached person? So I'm going to give you my
0:50.9	definition. I have tried to distill these down into the most simple
0:55.2	definitions possible for you to hold. You might want to write these down or just try and remember
1:01.6	them if you have a good memory. So here we go. An anxious person. An anxious person's experience
1:06.8	internally is as follows. I am not okay unless you're okay. I'm not okay, unless you're okay. So I need to
1:14.0	know, are you all right? Are you angry? Are you angry with me? Is it safe to engage with you? Another way of
1:20.5	saying this is my nervous system depends on you. My nervous system is not okay. My body, my sense of safety, my sense of independence,
1:31.7	my individuality is dependent on you, on you being all right. And if you're all right,
1:38.7	then I have a chance to be all right. This is why anxious people will over text, over communicate, constantly check in,
1:46.2	those types of things. An avoided person is the inverse of this. So an avoidant person sounds
1:52.7	something like, I'm only okay when I do it myself. Or I can't rely on others to be okay, only I can do that. Or I don't need you to be okay. And so that is a
2:07.1	version of my nervous system rejects you. My nervous system doesn't need you. So there's a rejection
2:14.2	of curregulation. There's a rejection of real deep, lasting, and prolonged
	...

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