Thank you for calling the unapologetic man podcast. Please listen closely as our menu has changed.

To get the skillset required for girls to jump in the air and slide right onto your dick,

please press one. To get the mojo and attractiveness required to be walking down the street

getting hit in the head with panties and bras, please press two. If you're so horny,

you'd fuck a snake if you could hold it straight, or have sex with the frothy foam that comes out

of a fat girl's armpit while she's on the stairmaster, please press three. To speak to a representative,

please stay on the line. Our waiting times are longer than usual due to COVID-19, the holiday season,

the United States Postal Service being slower than pond water, weather, the earth spinning,

you breathing, the sun being hot and any other excuse you can think of for us being a bunch of

fucking slackers. Welcome to the unapologetic man podcast. The only podcast that's all about

self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for

what is up, gentlemen. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I literally just

pulled that one out of my ass because, dude, I was on the fucking phone trying to get in with my

bank and it's like every single time you call one of these places, they always have this

myriad of excuses as to why they can't deliver your thing on time, the why you have to wait 20

minutes to speak to a representative or whatever else you're dealing with. It's fucking ridiculous

and what's the deal with? Listen closely as our menu has changed. What's with all the changing

of the menus? Every single time I call the menu has changed. Why not just keep the same menu? Why

you got to change the menu? What's up with the fucking menu? I think they do that because they want

you to listen closely and they will do anything bro to make an excuse as to why they can't ship

your thing on time. Why you have to bring in extraneous paperwork into the DMV or the social

security office or whatever the fuck else you're trying to do or why when you order a goddamn bumper

...