Hey everyone, Emily Abadi here, you're listening to Five Minute Friday from Hurtle.

Okay, before I really get into anything today, I need to take a moment to say congratulations to one of my dearest most special friends, my college roommate, her name is Ashley, she's getting married today, she's also a herdler of note, I am so, I'm so grateful for you and I'm so happy for you and literally I wish for a love like the beautiful love that you have with Adam, I'm like crying talking about this already,

I also wish that we could all be together tonight, she's having a small beautiful intimate ceremony with just their close family this evening, congrats baby, I love you. And you had to expect me to like hype you up just a little bit. Okay, now that that's done, I digress, I've been thinking a lot about the why behind this segment lately, if you have started listening to the show in the past year or so, you may not remember Hurtle before

five minute Friday, but basically I started these little, let's call them monologues talks whatnot, a third installment of the show during the week, I started them during the pandemic because I had, I had some time, I wanted to bring some newness to the feed, I was sitting in my apartment alone for days on end and I was like, why not just throw another episode in the mix, and it's, it's interesting to me because you know, I started it and I didn't have a plan for it and I didn't

know how long I would do it for or if I would keep on doing it or whatever. And the feedback that I get time and time again from all of you is that this is honestly one of your favorite parts of the show, and it, it makes me happy, it's fulfilling for me because that means that you like me, right? Because five minute Friday, it's just me every weekend, it's just me bringing you some of what's going on in my life, in a way that makes me happy.

I feel comfortable and hopefully is helpful for you, anyway, I digress. So the reason I am jamming about this is because I've been asking myself what is my why when it comes to a lot of the things that I am doing lately, I found myself in a little bit of a rut last week, after my long run on my long run, I ran a 20 mile or one of the longest runs in this training cycle last Saturday, and the run was, I'll just say it, it was awful.

I was really in my head, there were a lot of feelings that were coming up, I feel like in every single marathon training cycle for me, what happens, I have like one or two long runs that are just absolutely like soul crushing and that all these emotions come up and you want to cry the entire time, and it's probably just like super hot or it's raining and there's so many things that are out of your control and it is just it's no more now.

And so that was me last Saturday and it, as I said, brought up a lot of emotions and thoughts and things that I didn't really want to confront to me out into the view fast forward to Tuesday morning.

Met up with a girlfriend to do some more running and I grabbed some coffee and then I went to the East River track in New York and I did some strength work with some of my friends from my run club.

And then I came back to my apartment and I showered and I was like playing music and getting ready for my day and like emptying the dishwasher, I had a call with my mom, I think, and then I I sat down at my desk and I had this blaring realization after coming down from like I mentioned a super emotional weekend that I wasn't anxious.

I am without words because I can't tell you the last time that I have wasn't feeling anxious, especially as COVID is taking these turns and we don't know what's going on and there's so much unknown and I'm like training for this marathon.

I don't know if this marathon's going to happen. I'm walking around wearing my mask. I'm single and I'm 33 and I am just like what am I doing with my life. I constantly feel anxious.

And some things somewhere along the way on Tuesday morning, I just decided not to give any of my anxieties, any of my effing attention and holy shit was it invigorating like I really can't tell you the last time that I didn't spend unnecessary effort like thinking about someone who hadn't treated me right, whether that's like in business or in my relationships or I wasn't freaking out about the things that I can't control about COVID.

Or I wasn't thinking about a deadline or something that I was like worried about making and I just went through an entire morning like maybe four or five hours just living my damn life.

And I like giggle because I'm like shoot it shouldn't be that hard right like I started to ask myself like how can I do that more.

I keep citing this stat when it comes to COVID and I don't want to spread misinformation, but it came from the daily and on the daily, they said that 1% of vaccinated people will get COVID.

Again, I don't know if this is still relevant. Do not spew this into the world. I'm just telling you that that was what they said, which means that 99% of vaccinated people and I am vaccinated will not get COVID.

So I ask myself all the time, even though I have this like bumping anxiety in the center of my body about this thing, like why can I not live my life like the 99%

And on Tuesday, I felt like I did like I and I wasn't doing anything crazy right like I wasn't in the middle of a warehouse party, but

just to like have that time with myself and like be so I was so happy that morning and so grateful to feel that way. And this is it's certainly just it's an experience I wanted to share with you.

And it's something that I feel so damn grateful for and something that I think many of us have come out of the last 16 18 months with right this beautiful small appreciation for the small beautiful moments.

And all of these moments, I'm here to bring it full circle, have me coming back to my why am I doing the things that fill me up am I giving the right things my attention why do I want to give these things my attention and how can I just be happy being my best me.

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