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Church of Lazlo Podcasts

5.8.26, Homeless Women, Nuns, and Spitting

Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Audacy

Comedy

4.91.7K Ratings

🗓️ 8 May 2026

⏱️ 116 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

SlimFast has what fibromyalgia probably feels like, and Lazlo is upset about an Olathe Schools policy. Is hantavirus going to be the new Covid? Prison would be better than the high school boys locker room. Porn has influenced the guys a LOT, and Lazlos’ son tried standup for the first time. Stream The Church of Lazlo podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Transcript

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0:00.0

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.

0:11.0

Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness.

0:18.0

For he is truly his brother's keeper and finder of lost children.

0:23.6

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.

0:34.6

And you will know my name is the lord when i lay my vengeance upon me ladies and

0:42.9

gentlemen the church of laslow has begun yo yo jesus christ man what's wrong with you i'm fine

0:51.4

just in you're just. I'm just cold.

0:55.3

You've been cold a lot lately?

0:57.0

But my God.

0:58.5

It's like you're like you're an 80 year old woman.

1:01.2

I came in here, he had his hood up.

1:03.9

And he's like, ah, I've been a lot of pain today.

1:08.5

I'm like, what is wrong with you? Life. He's like, I don't have fibromyalgia. I'm like, what is? Jesus Christ. I don't. I'm not trying to belittle. I have fibromyalgia. I woke up this morning. He said he tripped and hurt his ankle. I said, this must be what it feels like that, my house. I didn't say that. I'm not trying to downplay. This is what it feels like a habit. Misery. This must be what it feels like. What's exactly what it feels like. Well, look, my shins hurt, my fingers hurt, my back hurts, my stomach hurts, my, I mean, I can't move, okay? Without wincing and pain, I'm just in a lot of pain. I feel cold. I feel stiff. I feel old. Oh, man. I just feel, you know, like a rusty chain, you know? You never feel like that. You never wake up and go, ah! Of course I do.

2:01.2

It started with the ankle and then everything heard.

2:03.3

I can't bend over.

2:04.1

It's the amount of projection that you have in your uncomfortableness that's shocking.

2:12.5

It's shocking.

2:14.4

Like my dad, when he was dying, didn't act like you right now oh mine did oh boy oh my dad would always like

2:27.9

you know ah it's okay they you know limp off with half a leg or whatever like jesus bro you

2:33.0

don't look good.

2:35.4

It's only a flesh moon.

2:36.1

Yeah.

...

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