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Wire Talk with Karen Stubbs

485: Happy Couples Think Differently

Wire Talk with Karen Stubbs

Karen Stubbs

Christianity, Parenting, Parenting Advice, Kids & Family, Christian Parent, Religion & Spirituality, Faith, Motherhood

4.9 • 936 Ratings

🗓️ 23 September 2025

⏱️ 45 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

What if a better marriage starts not with more work, but with changing the way you think? This week we’re sitting down with author and speaker Ted Lowe to talk about his book Us in Mind and the simple things that separate happy couples from struggling ones. From celebrating small wins to practicing empathy and taking thoughts captive, Ted unpacks practical ways to renew your mind and see your spouse differently. Whether your marriage feels stuck or just needs a little spark, we hope this conversation leaves you encouraged and equipped to do the next right thing.

Episode Recap:

  • How are great marriages different from struggling marriages? (6:42)
  • Happy couples think in a way that unhappy couples don’t (8:42)
  • “Madly in love” couples focus on what they do love about their spouse, not what they don’t (12:00)
  • What you think about yourself affects how you interact with your spouse (17:08)
  • Why do celebrations make such a big difference in our marriages? (25:12)
  • Empathy is huge for happy marriages (30:01)
  • Two words that changed Ted’s marriage (33:53) 
  • For Christians, our marriages are not just about us (38:44)


Scripture: 

Romans 12:2 “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Philippians 4:8 – “Whatever is true, whatever is noble… think about such things.”


Discussion Questions:

  1. How does the way you think about your spouse shape the way you act toward them?
  2. Ted talked about “seeing the best” in your spouse. What does that look like in your marriage right now?
  3. Why is empathy so powerful in marriage? How could you practice “stepping into the puddle” with your spouse this week?
  4. How do you typically respond to your spouse’s successes or joys? What’s one way you can celebrate with them more intentionally?
  5. Which of Ted’s practical shifts (empathy, celebration, reframing thoughts, writing notes, pausing in conflict) feels most helpful for your current season of marriage?
  6. Marriage is meant to reflect the love of Christ. How does remembering this bigger purpose change the way you approach your relationship?


Resources:

Download the companion study guide in the BOAW store: boaw.mom/parentingtogether 

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

They were given basically a spousal report card.

0:02.5

Rank your spouse on things like kindness, generosity, and patience.

0:06.8

And the only common denominator were the ones who rank their spouse higher in every category

0:11.9

than the spouse had ranked themselves.

0:14.8

So if I say, you know, or if you say, hey, Greg, I rank him a nine in generosity, and he ranks himself a seven, that's an indicator of a great marriage.

0:25.2

In other words, it's two people saying, I wish you could just see you like I see you.

0:29.1

Oh, yeah.

0:29.8

And so happy couples think in a way that unhappy couples don't.

0:34.4

And it's just so important for us to wrap our heads around this because, you know,

0:39.1

our thoughts are not our actions and they're not our attitudes, but they lead to both.

0:43.4

Yeah, they do. And so much what I did for so long was to focus on actions and attitudes.

0:48.7

But when we step back and we go, what was I thinking before I said that? What was I thinking before I do that?

0:55.7

How do I look at my spouse when we back up and get intentional with our thoughts?

1:01.3

You know, scripture, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Right. Take every thought

1:05.4

captain. Welcome to Wire Talk, where we encourage and equip moms by answering practical questions about motherhood.

1:12.2

We want to help instill God's truth in your heart so you can experience more joy and peace on your journey of motherhood.

1:18.7

Are you ready for some truth? Let's dive in.

1:23.0

Hey, everybody, and welcome to Wiretalk. Thank you so much for joining us. This is going to be a fun episode. We have a guest speaker. We are continuing talking about marriage, and mom and I are going to introduce a good friend of yours. Yes. This name's Ted Lowe. You've known him for quite some time. Yeah, 23 years. So how did you and Ted? It was y'all, it was church world that you met, right?

1:45.3

Yeah, he, I was on staff at North Point.

1:48.0

Yep.

2:00.6

And then, why are you looking at me like that? I'm looking at you like that. Well, she's looking at me a funny way. But anyways, no. You're just normally over there. I know. we're sitting next to each other because we've been in a whole day of recording here and we're getting a little slap happy.

2:03.2

But I was on staff at night. sitting next to each other because we've been in a whole day of recording here and we're

...

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