#464 Saving Face (The Wisdom of Kind Boundaries)
Happiness Podcast
Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D.
4.4 • 920 Ratings
🗓️ 5 January 2024
⏱️ 15 minutes
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Summary
Saving Face (The Wisdom of Kind Boundaries)
The familiar notion of "saving face" usually evokes images of hiding blunders or anxieties from public view. But within the framework of "kind boundaries," it's transformed into a more active and mindful concept. Here, it's about proactively safeguarding your emotional well-being by drawing clear, yet compassionate, lines in your relationships. It's about protecting your own self-respect and valuing your well-being, even when faced with the unkindness of others.
Crucially, this act of "saving your face" in the context of boundaries doesn't justify mirroring the disrespect you might encounter. Even amidst negativity, treating others with kindness and respect remains essential. This isn't about becoming a doormat or condoning hurtful behavior. Instead, it's about upholding your own integrity and demonstrating the respect you expect for yourself by consistently extending it to others, regardless of their actions.
Think of it like this: By responding with kindness and respect, even in the face of negativity, you are essentially refusing to let someone else's behavior dictate your own. You are choosing to maintain your composure, self-worth, and emotional boundaries, not out of weakness, but as a demonstration of your own personal strength and respect for everyone involved, including yourself.
This approach might seem counterintuitive at first, but it can have powerful ramifications. Maintaining kind boundaries while treating others with respect can pave the way for potential understanding and positive change. It might even inspire the other person to re-evaluate their own behavior.
Ultimately, "saving face" in the context of kind boundaries is about honoring yourself and everyone involved, without compromising your emotional well-being. It's about acting with integrity and respect, even when faced with negativity, because you know that doing so preserves your own value and opens the door for potential growth and understanding.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the happiness podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. A few days ago I was at a restaurant waiting for a friend of mine to show up for dinner. |
| 0:16.2 | I have a tendency to be early so I was just sitting outside, relaxing and waiting for my friend. |
| 0:21.8 | Well as I was sitting there there was a woman that came out and she was very |
| 0:25.7 | loudly talking on her phone and in a very aggressive I would say mean way towards |
| 0:31.1 | a person on the other line. I couldn't hear what the other person was |
| 0:34.1 | saying, but she was extremely upset at the other person because apparently they had |
| 0:39.2 | either given her the wrong time or the wrong place or not made reservations I couldn't tell but they had made |
| 0:45.1 | a mistake and she was in public in front of me just blasting the person for making that mistake |
| 0:51.1 | and finally she reached a crescendo and called him all. making that |
| 0:55.0 | and finally she reached a crescendo and called him all kinds of profanity and then said I'm |
| 0:57.2 | leaving and hung up her phone and she loves she walked away which for me |
| 1:02.0 | was actually a relief because she had so much negative energy |
| 1:05.8 | that she was spewing towards her friend that had made this mistake. |
| 1:10.7 | It was actually disturbing to watch because clearly she was oblivious to anyone else paying attention to what she was saying and I felt sad for her friend because of the vitriol she was pointing out to him or her. |
| 1:22.0 | Thankfully, we don't have to be exposed to these situations too often. |
| 1:25.6 | We do, but if we don't look for them, like say on YouTube, |
| 1:29.7 | these negative situations tend to be the exception instead of the rule for the most part. |
| 1:35.0 | But the truth is people do stuff that upset us or that we need to address because it's something |
| 1:40.8 | that we just have to address. It isn't fitting in with what's going on in our lives, |
| 1:45.0 | and we have to say no, we have to put boundaries up. |
| 1:48.0 | And I want to talk about a way of doing that, where we don't necessarily have to hurt another person and it's called |
| 1:55.0 | saving face. If you go to dictionary.com what you'll see as a definition of |
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