As we enter the new year, I've been reflecting upon which dating royalty will return to the Love Island villa.

Lovers from across the land will be hoping they get the call to be a Love Island All-Star

and share values of kindness, compassion and snogging.

I urge them to love thy neighbour on the next sun lounger

and hope that come January 13th on ITB2 and ITBX,

love will reign supreme.

I was going to tell you a joke about dirt, but it's beneath us.

Oh!

Oh! but it's beneath us.

If you just went to bio to Dr. Steve,

host of weird medicine on Sirius XM 103,

and made popular by two really comedy shows,

Opie and Anthony and Ron and Fez,

you would have thought that this guy was a bit of, you know, a clown.

Your show was better when he had medical questions.

Hey!

I've got diphtheria crushing my esophagus.

I've got Zobolivis stripping from my nose.

I've got the leprosy of the heartbell exacerbating my inflatable woes

I want to take my brain out

plastic with the wave

an ultrasonic, ecographic and a pulsating shave

...