458: Three Simple Phrases Your Kids Need to Hear from You // Eli Harwood

3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms

Cloud10

Education, How To, Society & Culture, Parenting, Personal Journals, Kids & Family

5 • 2.3K Ratings

🗓️ 1 December 2025

⏱️ 38 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

You know that sting in your chest when one of your kids says "I hate you" or slams their door in anger? Every instinct in you wants to smooth it over, to fix it, to make them not be mad at you anymore. But what if your discomfort with their anger is actually getting in the way of the connection you're trying to build? In this episode, I'm talking with my longtime friend Eli Harwood, known online as Attachment Nerd. She's a licensed therapist, attachment expert, and bestselling author who earned secure attachment in her own life after a difficult childhood. Eli shares three simple phrases her mom said to her that helped heal their relationship and build trust between them—phrases any of us can start using today. In this episode, you'll learn: 💜 Why Eli's mom had to convince herself it was okay for Eli to be mad at her 💜 The difference between "right side up" and "upside down" parenting 💜 What Eli thinks about adult children cutting off their parents—and why nobody does this lightly Even if you didn't grow up with secure attachment modeled for you, even if you've made mistakes, you can start building that bond with your kids today. For full show notes, including takeaways, click here. *** Announcements: ✨ Want to start noticing the good in your motherhood? The Flecks of Gold Journal is a simple one-line-a-day practice that helps you see your kids and your life differently. Grab yours here—it's the perfect gift for yourself or another mom this holiday season. Related Episodes: 387: Why Calming Yourself Helps Calm Your Child // Eli Harwood, MA, LPC 386: Raising Securely Attached Kids // Eli Harwood, MA, LPC 367: 3 Ways to Create Lasting Bonds with Your Kids // Mike Westover (Rachel's Dad!) Episode Sponsors: Factor: Eat smart at FactorMeals dot com SLASH 3in3050off and use code 3in3050off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. Let's Connect! Join me on Instagram! Get weekly-ish emails with BTS of my life Find Your Magic in Motherhood: Free 3-Day Email Course ***

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Hi, friend, it's Rachel. And before we jump into today's episode, can I ask a quick holiday
0:04.8	favor? If 3 in 30 has helped you slow down or feel more grounded this season or in your
0:09.8	motherhood generally, would you take one minute to leave a review for the show in your podcast
0:14.9	listening app? Your review helps show other moms that this podcast is worth your time, and I read each and every review
0:22.3	so it truly does feel like a little holiday gift to me when I read your words about how
0:27.5	three and 30 is blessing your family. So scroll down in your podcast app and you should see a place
0:32.3	to leave some stars and a sentence or two. It means the world to me. So thank you for taking the time and spreading
0:39.1	the love this holiday season. Now, on to the show. Welcome to 3 and 30, a podcast to help you
0:48.7	feel more like yourself within your motherhood. Each 30-minute episode features three actionable
0:54.0	takeaways to help you
0:55.3	become a more self-assured mom, someone who knows yourself, honors your needs, and loves your people.
1:01.8	Listen in to feel encouraged as we learn together how to overcome overwhelm and find more magic in
1:07.4	motherhood. I'm your host, Rachel Nielsen. I'm so glad you're here.
1:16.8	I still remember the first time one of my kids yelled, I hate you. They were little, maybe three or four,
1:23.5	and I had just enforced a boundary about bedtime or candy or something equally small, but very big
1:29.6	in their world. I could feel the sting of those words deep in my chest, and every instinct in me
1:35.3	wanted to fix it, to smooth it over to say, oh, no, no, you don't hate me. But instead, I just
1:41.9	took a breath. I reminded myself that it was okay for them to feel angry and that my job wasn't to be liked in every moment. It was to be safe enough for their emotions to land. It's these kinds of small, ordinary moments that build true, secure attachment. When our kids can show up exactly as they are, angry, sad, defiant, or
2:02.8	hurting, and we stay steady, we become a safe place for them. We don't fall apart at their
2:08.3	vulnerability. We hold it. And that consistency more than anything else is what teaches them
2:14.0	that they are safe and loved no matter what. Today's guest has built her career
2:18.5	helping parents do exactly that. Eli Harwood, known online as attachment nerd, is a licensed
	...

Transcript will be available on the free plan in 8 days. Upgrade to see the full transcript now.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Cloud10, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Cloud10 and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.