This is self-work, and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

At self-work, we discuss psychological and emotional issues and what you can do about them,

whether that's learning self-acceptance, taking action, or seeking therapy or treatment.

Eight years ago, I extended the walls of my practice to reach those of you who might already be

knowledgeable about middle health treatment, but also to those of you who might say you'd never

darken the door of a therapist. And yet, you are here. I'll answer your questions while I invite

you to take a few minutes for your own

self-work. If you have something you're keeping secret because of the anxiety or the fear of

what would happen to you if you told, that fear may be about you still being in the world of your

abuser or the person who's controlling you. If that's so,

please know there are people who would understand your fear and understand you, even if you never

choose to tell the secret. Welcome to this week's edition of Self-Work. So much of what a good

therapist knows how to do is to provide safety in the relationship,

to build a sense of trust that anything can be shared. What this provides for a client is a literal

safe space. In my training, it was called providing a holding space for the client, where you just

sort of held them, not literally, but emotionally. That is one of the huge

gifts of being in therapy, to feel as if you can bring to the surface any shameful aspects

of yourself or abuse from someone else or hurtful or embarrassing choices you've made, and let the

words come out of your mouth that you thought you could never say. So today I want to talk about the anxiety

of being rejected, scorned, or judged, and how it's a prison that keeps you from feeling

safe to talk about yourself in real terms. It's not a diagnosable anxiety disorder, unless you

have panic attacks along with that fear. But to me, it's as real as any of the classic diagnosis that

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