458 SelfWork: When Anxiety Imprisons You
The SelfWork Podcast
Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD
4.7 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 8 August 2025
⏱️ 23 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Today we're focusing on the anxiety of being rejected, scorned, or judged. And how it’s a prison that keeps you from feeling safe to talk about yourself in real terms. It’s not a diagnosable anxiety disorder – unless you have panic attacks along with that fear. But to me, it’s as real as any of the classic diagnoses that are out there, like OCD or generalized anxiety disorder.
But when you can allow yourself to step out of that prison – when you feel safe enough with a therapist or a friend or a partner to say who you really are… the freedom you feel can be incredible.
Today's listener/reader comment was a response to the blogpost When Mom Is Emotionally Unstable: Seven Ways to Heal. So, I’ll read her comment and question – and maybe it’ll answer some of your own about your mom or dad whose emotions and behaviors were or are all over the place.
There's also my thoughts on the life and death of Anne Burrell. Only compassion and wondering what this wonderful woman could've been dealing with..
Vital Links:
When Mom is Emotionally Unstable: Seven Ways to Heal.
Book on borderline traits “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me.”
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You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.
There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is self-work, and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. |
| 0:10.3 | At self-work, we discuss psychological and emotional issues and what you can do about them, |
| 0:15.7 | whether that's learning self-acceptance, taking action, or seeking therapy or treatment. |
| 0:21.3 | Eight years ago, I extended the walls of my practice to reach those of you who might already be |
| 0:26.1 | knowledgeable about middle health treatment, but also to those of you who might say you'd never |
| 0:31.3 | darken the door of a therapist. And yet, you are here. I'll answer your questions while I invite |
| 0:37.1 | you to take a few minutes for your own |
| 0:39.4 | self-work. If you have something you're keeping secret because of the anxiety or the fear of |
| 0:47.2 | what would happen to you if you told, that fear may be about you still being in the world of your |
| 0:51.8 | abuser or the person who's controlling you. If that's so, |
| 0:56.0 | please know there are people who would understand your fear and understand you, even if you never |
| 1:01.1 | choose to tell the secret. Welcome to this week's edition of Self-Work. So much of what a good |
| 1:09.4 | therapist knows how to do is to provide safety in the relationship, |
| 1:12.9 | to build a sense of trust that anything can be shared. What this provides for a client is a literal |
| 1:18.5 | safe space. In my training, it was called providing a holding space for the client, where you just |
| 1:24.1 | sort of held them, not literally, but emotionally. That is one of the huge |
| 1:29.4 | gifts of being in therapy, to feel as if you can bring to the surface any shameful aspects |
| 1:33.4 | of yourself or abuse from someone else or hurtful or embarrassing choices you've made, and let the |
| 1:39.6 | words come out of your mouth that you thought you could never say. So today I want to talk about the anxiety |
| 1:44.8 | of being rejected, scorned, or judged, and how it's a prison that keeps you from feeling |
| 1:49.7 | safe to talk about yourself in real terms. It's not a diagnosable anxiety disorder, unless you |
| 1:56.3 | have panic attacks along with that fear. But to me, it's as real as any of the classic diagnosis that |
... |
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