457: Talking to Kids About Loss: Lessons from Where Did TJ Go?
Wire Talk with Karen Stubbs
Karen Stubbs
4.9 • 936 Ratings
🗓️ 11 March 2025
⏱️ 25 minutes
🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Grief and joy don’t have to be opposites—sometimes, they go hand in hand. In this tender conversation, Annie F. Downs shares the story behind Where Did TJ Go?, a book she co-authored with her sister to help families navigate the loss of a child. Annie opens up about how her nephew TJ’s brief but impactful life deepened their family’s bond and taught them the beauty of holding joy and sorrow together. Whether you’ve experienced loss yourself or want to support a grieving family, this episode is filled with wisdom, encouragement, and hope.
Episode Recap:
4:26- Annie F. Downs joins us today!
5:40- Prior to TJ’s death, Annie’s family was not nearly as close
8:00- Annie’s sister discovered she was pregnant with a child who had a life limiting diagnosis
10:45- Aunts and uncles get to say yes, so do it often!
12:45- How can we love on families who are raising kids while grieving?
14:30- Where Did TJ Go? Â is a conduit for families to connect while grieving
16:00- There is good news in sad stories, this is a Gospel story
20:50- Get a bookplate customized with the name of a child you want to honor
Scripture for Reflection: Romans 12:15 (NIV)
"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."
Questions for Discussion:
- Annie talked about how grief and joy can coexist. Have you seen this play out in your own life or in the lives of those around you?
- How can we, as moms, create space for our children to express their emotions—both happy and sad—without feeling like they have to choose one over the other?
- Annie’s family found a surprising closeness through their loss. Have you experienced a hardship that has brought you closer to family? How did it change your relationships?
- What are some ways we can support grieving families, especially those with young children, in a way that honors their loss while also bringing hope?
Resources:
- Pick up Where Did TJ Go? anywhere books are sold: https://amzn.to/4kxSYzT
- Get a bookplate customized with a name you want to honor at wheredidtjgo.com
- Last chance to register for the Soar Conference! Don’t procrastinate another day: https://subsplash.com/birdsonawire-ga/lb/ev/+j2j9wpq
- Connect with Annie: https://www.anniefdowns.com/
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | the thing we get to teach children and remind adults is that you can hold joy and suffering at the same time. |
| 0:06.2 | There you go. |
| 0:06.7 | Don't expect one to cancel out the other and don't lean on one to get rid of the other. |
| 0:11.6 | You can hold both. |
| 0:12.8 | You can laugh at a funeral. |
| 0:14.0 | You can cry at a comedy. |
| 0:15.7 | Both the things are true. |
| 0:16.7 | And so we hope in the shape of the book that not only does it start with sadness and then peak with the beauty and joy of heaven and a zoo in heaven and riding bikes in heaven and climbing trees in heaven. |
| 0:28.7 | And then also Sam and Tatum and Jacob being sad at the end. |
| 0:31.4 | I mean, the complexity of being human is what we hope comes across in a very simple childlike way. But we just hope |
| 0:39.1 | families remember and kids get to learn that joy and suffering are going to coexist as long |
| 0:44.3 | as we are existing here. And then in the end, and the book says, in the end, God's going to make |
| 0:49.2 | everything good. Welcome to Wire Talk, where we encourage and equip moms by answering practical questions |
| 0:55.5 | about motherhood. |
| 0:56.5 | We want to help instill God's truth in your heart so you can experience more joy and |
| 1:01.0 | peace on your journey of motherhood. |
| 1:03.0 | Are you ready for some truth? |
| 1:04.4 | Let's dive in. |
| 1:08.0 | Hey, everybody, and welcome to Wire Talk. |
| 1:10.6 | I'm Emily, the host, and I'm with my wonderful mom Karen. |
| 1:14.1 | Hey mom. |
| 1:14.8 | Hello. |
... |
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