455 - How Desires Can Discover Unhealed Wounds w/ Jay Stringer

Pure Desire Podcast

Pure Desire Ministries

Healing, Aa, Christian Recovery, Sa, Self-improvement, Christianity, Sexuality, Celebrate Recovery, Sexual Addiction Recovery, Recovery, Porn Recovery, Health & Fitness, Religion & Spirituality, Betrayal Trauma, Porn Addiction Recovery, Biblical Recovery, Education

4.8 • 750 Ratings

🗓️ 24 March 2026

⏱️ 67 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, we explore a radically different way of understanding desire in recovery, betrayal, and marriage. Rather than treating desire as the enemy, our guest, Jay Stringer, invites us to see unwanted behaviors as signposts pointing to deeper wounds and unmet longings. Drawing from Jay’s research with over 4,000 people, we discuss how fear-based restriction, shame-driven purity culture, and the pursuit of intensity often fuel addiction and emotional disconnection. We unpack how curiosity, compassion, and wholeness can help individuals move out of relapse cycles and support relational repair after betrayal. For betrayed partners, we address how desire can go dormant—and how it can be reclaimed safely. We conclude by envisioning what “connected desire” looks like beyond crisis and where listeners can learn more in Jay’s new book, Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello there, good listener. I am your host, Nick Stumbo, and you are listening to The Pure Desire
0:10.4	podcast, your biblically based and clinically informed approach to healing from betrayal and breaking
0:16.6	free from all forms of compulsive sexual behavior. And whether this is your first day in recovery or
0:22.2	your 10,000, we hope that you hear life-giving conversations today that maybe you've never gotten
0:27.6	to be a part of before. Today is episode 455. And here joining me as my co-host for this brand new
0:34.9	series is the one and only Heather Cole. Heather, welcome back to the podcast.
0:39.5	Thank you.
0:40.0	It's great to be here.
0:41.1	Yeah, this is always fun.
0:42.7	You know, in our work, we get a lot of recommendations for books, and that led to this
0:47.3	series idea that we wanted to just do a five-part series on new books that we think everyone
0:52.8	should read because they offer something
0:54.9	to either the recovery process or telling our story. We've got quite a variety of authors coming up
1:00.9	and you seem like the perfect co-host because you love books and I've borrowed many from you.
1:06.7	I bet Heather has that book and sure enough, Heather has that book. But today we got to interview a friend of the ministry
1:12.7	and someone that really means a lot to us,
1:15.0	and that's Jay Stringer and his new book, Desire.
1:18.8	So tell our audience a little bit
1:20.3	about what they can expect from this conversation.
1:23.2	You know, one of the things I love about Jay
1:25.2	is that he definitely pushes the lines of what we always
1:30.8	think that is maybe expected in the Christian community and I appreciate that about him the
	...

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