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I'm Dr. Aviva Rong. For many years of my life, in fact for decades I lived with the pervasive feeling that if something really great happened in my life,

there was going to be some kind of universal counterbalance to that in the form of something

really bad happening to me. And that feeling got even worse when I became

a mom because the stakes became really high so in my somehow in my mind if something

really great happened like I got a book contract then I felt like I had to be on the

lookout for something horrible happening in my life like to one of my kids that there was

going to be some kind of

karmic payback not for anything I had done in the past in that sense of

karma but somehow some balancing of some universal weighing system.

And for years I really struggled with that so that when something great was about to happen

or even if I was going to take a risk on doing something big. I was constantly weighing back and forth. Well if I do that

what's the payback going to be? What bad is going to happen? What am I going to lose? If I got

something I was going to lose something.

Now, I know that sounds like a little bit of crazy thinking

and a little bit of crazy magical thinking.

And it's not.

And I'm going to explain to you why today. But I really want to honor this this fear that we live with and particularly women live with even more and moms live with in an exaggerated sense.

You know for a long time I thought it was just somehow me,

like it was just my own cuckoo way of thinking

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