avoidant people need you to actually leave them. Now listen, this doesn't sound like a compassionate

perspective. It doesn't sound like, hey, what about their people too? And the reason that they

have avoidance is because of trauma or, you know, fractured attachments with their parents.

100%. We can contextualize all the reasons that people constantly have one foot kind of out the door in relationship, but at the end of the day, you're the one in relationship with them.

And likely, if you're in a relationship with an avoidant person and you start it out secure, you usually end up anxious.

But let's be honest, most people who end up in relationship with avoiding people are anxiously attached.

So for anxiously attached people, this is a massive area of growth.

So let's look at like in a healthy relationship dynamic, this would be happening.

Both people would be turning towards each other.

But in an avoidant relationship dynamic, this isn't what's happening. This is what's

happening. One person is moving towards and the other person is moving away. So when all of a sudden,

this anxiously attached person, right, look at, and by the way, I know my little stick

drawing's not the best, but they're clear you're going to learn a lot here. Anxiously attached people,

if they stop doing this, there's now a space between here that has never existed.

Now, look, I had this realization in a relationship with my wife years ago when we were dating.

Like, I wanted her because I was more anxiously attached.

I wanted her to come towards me.

But she couldn't come towards me because I was always taken up all the damn space with my anxiously attached way of being.

I was always chasing her, so she didn't have a chance to catch me.

Now, here's the thing about anxious attachment and avoidant attachment.

I'm going to break it down very simply.

Anxiously attached people are afraid of space.

...