446: Is Perfectionism Good or Bad? // Katherine Morgan Schafler

3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms

Cloud10

Education, How To, Society & Culture, Parenting, Personal Journals, Kids & Family

5 • 2.3K Ratings

🗓️ 8 September 2025

⏱️ 35 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Have you ever been told that your perfectionism is a problem? Maybe you’ve felt like it’s the reason you’re stressed, restless, or never satisfied with yourself. But what if perfectionism isn’t actually the enemy? What if it’s a form of power that, when channeled with compassion, can actually bring you more joy and meaning? In this episode, I’m joined by Katherine Morgan Schafler, a psychotherapist and the author of The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control. Katherine offers a refreshing perspective: perfectionism doesn’t need to be “fixed” or hidden—it can be embraced and redirected in healthier, more adaptive ways. In this conversation, you’ll learn: 💜 The hidden difference between an idealist and a perfectionist—and why the distinction matters for how you show up in your daily life. 💜 A simple, practical exercise to clarify your values in this season of life, and why naming the values you won’t focus on is just as important 💜 Why so many “helpful” mantras for moms miss the mark—and how to reframe them in a way that feels empowering instead of dismissive. Whether you’ve always identified as a perfectionist or you’re simply curious about new ways to frame personal growth, Katherine’s insights will encourage you to rethink your tendencies with kindness and clarity. For full show notes, including takeaways, click here. *** Announcements: You're invited to my FREE Masterclass How to Lighten the Mental Load of Motherhood on September 10, 12, or 16. Using the Self-Assured Motherhood framework (the SAM6) I'll give you tools and perspective shifts to help you carry the load with more steadiness, clarity, and peace. 🎁 Plus, we’ll be giving away one free Skylight Calendar at each class to someone in attendance! You can sign up ⁠⁠here⁠⁠! Related Episodes: 267: How to Stop Procrastinating in the New Year // Monica Packer 413: What to Do When You’re Juggling Too Much // Amy Wilson 421: Overwhelmed with Housework? You’re not alone. // KC Davis Episode Sponsors: Skylight: Go to skylightcal.com/TAKEAWAYS for $30 off your 15 inch Calendar. Skylight also offers a guarantee—if in 120 days you are not 100% thrilled with your purchase, you can return it for a full refund. No questions asked. Factor: Eat smart at FactorMeals.com/3in3050off and use code 3in3050off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. (Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchase.) Let's Connect! Join me on Instagram! Get weekly-ish emails with BTS of my life Find Your Magic in Motherhood: Free 3-Day Email Course ***

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to 3 in 30, a podcast to help you feel more like yourself within your motherhood.
0:09.3	Each 30-minute episode features three actionable takeaways to help you become a more self-assured mom,
0:15.2	someone who knows yourself, honors your needs, and loves your people.
0:19.9	Listen in to feel encouraged as we learn together how to
0:22.6	overcome overwhelm and find more magic in motherhood. I'm your host, Rachel Nielsen. I'm so
0:28.5	glad you're here. Today we're going to be talking about perfectionism, which can feel like such a loaded word
0:39.3	depending on your personal experiences and views of it. Is it a good thing to be a perfectionist
0:44.3	because you're likely to achieve excellence and work hard at things? Or is it a bad thing to be
0:49.0	perfectionist because you might be hard on yourself or other people and you might obsess
0:53.6	over tiny details that don't
0:55.3	really matter. When I was preparing for today's episode, I got so fascinated with this contrast
1:00.9	that I actually polled my Instagram community in my stories. I asked if perfectionism was
1:07.0	mostly a good thing or mostly a bad thing. 31% of responders said that being a perfectionist
1:13.2	was mostly a good thing, and 69% said that it was mostly a bad thing. And now I wish I could do a
1:19.7	deep dive with each one of those respondents to find out why they think the way they do about it,
1:24.7	and if they themselves identify as a perfectionist and how
1:28.2	that might color their opinion of it. But alas, I can't talk to everyone in my social media community
1:34.1	individually about this question, which is why I was so grateful to get to talk to today's guest
1:39.6	all about it. Catherine Morgan Schaffler is a therapist and the author of The Perfectionist Guide to Losing
1:46.0	Control, which she wrote after years of counseling women, many of whom could be classified as
1:50.9	perfectionists in her therapy practice in New York City. Through her work, Catherine helps
1:55.8	women see perfectionism not as a weakness, but as a natural drive that can become adaptive when we learn to channel it with
	...

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