439-How to Influence During Disagreement (without Disconnect)
Delight Your Marriage
Belah Rose
4.7 • 589 Ratings
🗓️ 12 July 2024
⏱️ 36 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Listening is a superpower.
It makes people feel heard and safe and brings down defenses. It lets them know they are cared for.
In today's society, it can be hard to have a conversation without wanting to defend a point in disagreement or wanting to make sure your opinion is heard, as well. It's even worse when this seeps into your marriage.
Today we are going to be talking about how to have a productive disagreement without losing connection, how to stay on the same team (even when you think your spouse is totally wrong!), and how to be a curious and compassionate listener, even in the midst of disagreement.
We hope this episode blesses you and leads to many wonderful, deep conversations and a deeper understanding and connection with your spouse.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - You can find the Marital Health Assessment mentioned in today's podcast here: https://delightyourmarriage.com/health/.
PPS - If you're thinking this listening stuff is great for someone else, but not you and your spouse- they never listen, they don't want to share, they are so closed off... we would love to talk to you and see if we can help. https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"My biggest struggle coming into the program was hard heartedness, unforgiveness and resentment... It's required me to be more reflective. It has shown me the power of positive habits that build into an attitude of gratitude. I am learning to see my wife in a kinder light. I am spending more time connecting with my kids and have been more patient, kind & gentle with them. I am becoming a better friend, messaging and calling friends more, and making time for them."
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the Delight Your Marriage podcast. You're joining me, Bella Rose, as I dive deep into the beauty, power, and truths about intimacy. |
| 0:11.6 | Learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. Delight your marriage. |
| 0:23.3 | Hi there. |
| 0:24.6 | This is Bella Rose, and I am thrilled that you spend time with me, and here we are speaking |
| 0:31.0 | across the world. |
| 0:33.2 | I don't know where you are, but I'm just so grateful. |
| 0:35.9 | Today, I want to get into how to have disagreements |
| 0:39.6 | with your spouse that don't break the connection and also help them think through what's going on. |
| 0:48.6 | And yet, even if you disagree, they might by the end of the conversation not only feel heard, but come over to your |
| 0:56.1 | side. It does take some practice. It takes new skill, but that's why you're here, right? You're |
| 1:02.8 | here to learn. You're here to gain new skills. So I'm thrilled and can't wait to get into it. |
| 1:08.2 | Because I think what happens so often in my work is spouses disconnect |
| 1:13.3 | over a difference of opinion. And it might last the rest of the day. It might last the rest of the week |
| 1:21.2 | or month. And here we have the enemy trying to get a foothold between the two of you and your marriages. |
| 1:27.1 | So that's the goal here is to not let that disconnect happen and still allow productive |
| 1:33.7 | communication and even productive disagreement that doesn't cause disconnect. |
| 1:40.7 | So let's get into it. |
| 1:56.0 | Okay. disconnect. So let's get into it. All right. So let's just imagine with me a scenario that I'm sure has never happened in your home. |
| 2:04.7 | Your spouse comes in, has something on their heart to share. It's a scenario that they're very |
| 2:10.5 | passionate about, probably upset. They've been hurt in some way, shape or form. And you're listening, and all you can think is I so deeply disagree. |
| 2:24.4 | I so deeply disagree with my spouse. |
| 2:26.7 | I think the other person is right. |
... |
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