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As we enter the new year, I've been reflecting upon which dating royalty will return to the Love Island Villa.

Lovers from across the land will be hoping they get the call to be a Love Island All-Star

and share values of kindness, compassion and snogging.

I urge them to love thy neighbour on the next Sun Lounger and hope that come January 13th on ITB2 and ITBX, love will reign supreme.

If you just read the bio for Dr. Steve, host of Weird Medicine on Sirius XM103 and made popular by two really comedy shows, Opie and Anthony and Ron and Fez, you would have thought

that this guy was a bit of, you know, a clown.

Can you please stop bullshitting and get to the question?

I've got diphtheria crushing my esophagus.

I've got Tobolabov stripping from my nose.

I've got the leprosy of the heartbound,

exacerbating my imbettable woes.

I want to take my brain out and blast it with the wave,

an ultrasonic, ecographic, and a pulsating shave.

I want a magic pill.

All my ailments, the health equivalent of citizen cane.

And if I don't get it now in the tablet, I think I'm doing, then I'll have to go insane.

I want a requiem for my disease.

...