431 - Constantine
The Horror Virgin
The Horror Virgin
4.5 • 1.8K Ratings
🗓️ 18 May 2026
⏱️ 109 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
"Battlefield Earth for Christians.”
This week’s scariest movie is... Constantine. This film has everything: the would-be Nick Fury of the Christian Expanded Universe, John Constantine the Baptist, And your parents’ smug satisfaction. If you love holy brass knuckles, kitty-powered trips to hell, and fake relics with real confidence, this episode's for you!
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This episode brought to you by the following patrons. |
| 0:03.0 | Heather, Min, Jason, Madeline, Laura, Jeremy with the laser eyes, Ali, Kristen, and Tia. |
| 0:08.9 | And all the patrons want you to know you're loved, your listens to, and you're a valuable member of this awesome horror virgin community. |
| 0:14.6 | And if you want to hang out with us, Duceu in the Facebook group, Discord server, or subreddit where we'll be hanging out daily. |
| 0:20.7 | Paige, I haven't heard latin spoke |
| 0:22.4 | this horribly since the boondock saints |
| 0:24.5 | thank you for tuning into horributus haman what thank you for tuning into horrible Spiritus sanctus. Amen. What? What? |
| 0:40.2 | Thank you for tuning |
| 0:41.1 | into horror virgin. I'm Paige. |
| 0:42.6 | And I'm your horror virgin |
| 0:43.5 | Todd, which means I don't like scary |
| 0:45.2 | movies, but you guys make me watch them. |
| 0:47.1 | And this week, Paige made us watch |
| 0:49.2 | Constantine. |
| 0:50.8 | Battlefield Earth for Christians. |
| 0:55.9 | I, you know, I mean Yes definitely |
| 0:57.4 | But also there's so much in it |
| 0:59.6 | That I was like, I don't even think Catholics believe that |
| 1:02.5 | Oh Paige |
| 1:03.7 | I honestly like this movie was so boring for me |
| 1:06.3 | Because I was like oh I grew up Mormon |
| 1:07.6 | This is pretty much when I was taught in Sunday school |
... |
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