#429: Can People Change? How To Help Someone Grow

Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Marriage, Mental Health, Success, Emotionalintelligence, Selfhelp, Wellness, Mentalhealth, Selfimprovement, Career, Health, Society & Culture, Careerdevelopment, Mindfulness, Lifeadvice, Dating, Parenting, Breakups, Relationships, Productivity, Positive, Happiness, Goals, Health & Fitness, Communication

4.6 • 849 Ratings

🗓️ 25 November 2024

⏱️ 20 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Are You Exhausted Trying to Help Someone Who Won’t Change? Here’s What Actually Works!

Have you ever bent over backward trying to help someone you love, only to feel like you’re getting nowhere? You’re not alone—and I’ve got good news: people can change. But here’s the kicker: they’ll only do it when it comes from within.

In this episode, I’m breaking down the psychology of change, the stages people go through, and the surprising reason why trying to force change never works (spoiler alert: it usually backfires). You’ll also learn powerful, actionable strategies to:

✅ Set healthy boundaries (without guilt).
✅ Protect your emotional well-being (because you matter too!).
✅ Provide the kind of support that actually encourages growth.

If you’re ready to stop feeling stuck and frustrated, and instead discover the most effective way to empower someone on their journey—this is for you. 🎧

Timestamps You’ll Love:
00:00 – Why It Feels Impossible to Change Someone Else
01:15 – Can People Really Change? (Yes, But Here’s the Secret)
03:45 – The Real Power of Intrinsic Motivation
06:20 – The Stages of Change: Where Your Loved One Might Be
12:40 – Setting Boundaries That Encourage Growth
18:55 – Avoiding the Trap of Enabling
23:15 – Free Tools to Help You and Your Loved One

BONUS GOODIES!
👉 Want to help a loved one uncover what’s really holding them back? Share my free What’s Holding You Back? Quiz with them—it’s designed to uncover hidden obstacles, subconscious blocks, and personal strengths to help them move forward with confidence.

👉 Don’t miss this week’s YouTube Livestream: How to Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want to Help Themselves (Thursday, 12 pm MT). You can even submit an anonymous question ahead of time here: www.growingself.com/dear-lisa.

This conversation could change everything. See you there! 🎥

Transcript

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0:00.0	Are you feeling frustrated because someone you love is stuck in harmful behaviors or ways of doing things that are not good for them?
0:09.6	And you've been trying to encourage them to get help and work on things, but they just are so resistant.
0:27.6	Well, I know this is a frustrating place to be in, but here's the reality. You can't change people.
0:30.9	But it is also absolutely true that people can change and grow.
0:36.0	The art here is learning how to support the growth of others while also
0:41.3	making space for their own process. And that's what we're talking about on today's episode of
0:47.0	love, happiness, and success.
0:53.8	We're listening to the late, great Elliot Smith. The song is Meadle in the Hay, which I chose for us today because it really tells the story of someone who is spiraling down, frustrated friends and family, and nobody can really connect with them.
1:13.6	You've probably done everything that you can think of, right?
1:17.6	From offering advice to trying to fix the situation or even stepping in to take control to help them.
1:26.6	And yet nothing changes because you can't change people.
1:33.1	And this is something that I wanted to share, and I know this is both difficult and empowering.
1:40.1	People absolutely change and grow, but it must be intrinsically motivated. So intrinsic
1:48.3	motivation is what happens when a person is motivated from within, meaning that no amount of
1:56.3	talking or pushing or even helping on your part are going to make changes that stick
2:03.1	unless it is truly something that they want for themselves and it is self-generated.
2:10.2	So what do you do when someone that you love and care about is just stuck in these ways
2:16.9	of being that are maybe even making it
2:19.2	hard for you to maintain a relationship with them. First of all, you really need to focus on what
2:25.7	you can control, meaning your own boundaries and your own well-being. And the second thing
2:33.3	to remember and what you really need to understand,
2:36.0	is that their change is going to come from intrinsic motivation only, and that it is going to follow
	...

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